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Today was a frustrating day. Since January, 1 in 4 of my buddies have fallen away. Anyone who has not posted since Apr 1 and whom I have not heard from has been deleted.
Why do people lack resolve? I'm not sure they do. I think they aren't committed for a long enough period of time to see a change or they simply don't know what to do. There are a lot of people on here who look at their continuing waffling and failure as a simple break from what needs to be done and convince all those around them that it's fine. They even joke about their lack of resolve. It is fine - a 'nice' meal where you don't worry about calories once or twice a month, not weekly... not twice weekly... not for every family event or holiday. No four day weekends off. You're liable to gain back weeks or months of progress.
Consistency works, and that's all that works. Yes, calories average out so oscillating calories will even out. People on here often use this argument to disregard calorie blow outs. I know calories even out. I've proven that, and I've proven it in two ways. Every diet has oscillating calories to some degree. Oscillating calories, got me down to 165 at my lowest point. (If you check my weight to see if I'm for real, please remember I'm gaining weight on purpose and it is in control.) Oscillating calories is also what got me to 230 pounds.
Maybe being on a perpetual weight loss diet works for some people. Maybe they have a martyr complex and they feel that they can get attention by being on a perpetual weight loss/deprivation diet and making sure other people know of their struggle. They don't seem to understand that after a while, nobody believes them anymore and takes them for a fool. Even people on here who have proclaimed themselves weight loss experts and started businesses trying to sell their knowledge seem to be in a perpetual struggle with their last 20 pounds.
Please, please don't make me delete you. I want nothing but your success. If you've been doing the back and forth and seeing no progress, it's time for you to reassess what you're doing. There is only miracle. Making sure you know exactly what to do before you do it is nothing more than an excuse to delay action. You can know everything about an automobile and road safety, but without the progressive understanding that only comes with practice, you know, but you have no results and can't get from point A to point B whether in diet or driving.
Only the consistency of watching your calories and getting some exercise will move you forward. Exercise can be as simple as three half hour walks per week. Doing the exercise and fudging your diet every second day will make you healthier, but it will not make you thinner. Please tell me this is not too hard. There is a huge difference between falling off 'the wagon' and climbing off.
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79.7 kg
Lost so far: 1.5 kg.
Still to go: 3.4 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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2917 kcal
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Fat: 157.05g | Prot: 213.02g | Carbs: 185.09g.
Breakfast: Butter, Olive Oil, Lettuce Salad with Assorted Vegetables, Central Market Ground Flax Seed, Cheddar Cheese, Onions, Green Peppers, Egg. Lunch: Mexican meatloaf. Dinner: Oranges, Maple Syrup, Huckleberry Oatmeal Cake, Chicken Breast, Now Foods Dextrose. Snacks/Other: Cheddar Cheese, Chicken Breast, MuscleTech Whey Protein Elite Series, LeanFit Whey Protein Shake - Vanilla, Bananas, 1% Fat Milk, NuMedica MCT Oil USP, Espresso Coffee, Unsalted Butter Stick. more...
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Gaining 1.9 kg a Week
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1 to 20 of 24
 Comments
don't get too down buddy count the buddies that are still here like me struggling? yes! falling back once in a while, sadly yes. But still here, still losing weight and working hard to better themselves and their lives. You sai you lost 1 out of 4 buddies, better you say that 25% of your buddies are sticking to it, and are fighting alongside you to keep control up OR down!
25 Apr 14 by member: puhpine
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There is a huge difference between those who are really trying and those who are playing around the edges. It's easy to see. You're not going to get rid of me that easy. You're one of the fighters.
25 Apr 14 by member: northernmusician
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You worry too much about other people. Just take care of yourself and you'll be happy.
25 Apr 14 by member: Snuffyrs
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Sorry you are feeling frustrated NM. For what its worth I dont think its too hard :-) I have also lost dozens of buddies here, without so much as a goodbye or a reason. I may not be as hard core as you are lol but I feel pretty sucessful, and I wont leave you if you dont leave me.
25 Apr 14 by member: Annabelle3117
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Okay... maybe they've not gotten to the point a lot of us have. Fed up, disgusted, sick all the time, on meds, surgeries for lousy backs/knees, etc. It's a tough journey. I'm trying not to look at my way of eating as a perpetual diet, but as a decision to get healthier. Sometimes it's hard. Especially when the carbs kick me in the arse and demand attention. And after I've satisfied the craving, I then begin anew, "the diet". I'm still learning... 1 donut, not 3. Even 1 cookie, not a handful. And I don't like having to look at getting back in gear as a diet. It's been difficult for me and I'm sure for others. Hope to get through my 6 week challenge of not weighing and may have to make the decision I'm at my goal, as ChristyLA did. Then begin learning maintenance. I'm with Maud. Look at it as 25% of your buddies are still hanging in with you. I too have gone through my list of buddies and deleted those I've not heard from in at least 6 months. Benefit of a doubt. Hoping they'll return. I even send them PM's hoping they come back. They have to do it on their own. We can only offer them a hand.
25 Apr 14 by member: ClassicRocker
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I went through the same thing not too long ago. As I deleted people I actually felt bad. Not bad for deleting them, but bad because I haven’t heard from them and I do not know if they are doing well or not. My assumption is always that they have failed at weight loss and never reached their goal. I totally agree that weight loss is not hard at all. All the information about what to do and how to do it is out there in abundance. Making the right decisions as you go through the day is the hard part. NM, I don’t plan on going anywhere, you’re stuck with me!
25 Apr 14 by member: bigbassbrent
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Maybe they had different needs that the website wasn't providing at that time. Sometimes this is a healthy place. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's overwhelming in the face of what they are going through in their day to day real life. You can't always say it's a lack of resolve. You just don't know. To assume otherwise is shortsighted.
25 Apr 14 by member: Alex_is_Hawks
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I am here to stay, Northern. I've never been a serial dieter although I'd cut back a little when my "big girl" clothes would fit too closely. I've undertaken weightloss 3 times in my life. Early 20's, married and then had a baby (2) about eight-nine yrs later, a second baby, and (3) Now, nine years later...and I'm definitely not thinking there will be another baby!!!! This is not something I desire to do again and again. For me, it is work and research and being vigilant about what goes into my body. I hate that I'm 42 and finally taking this journey, but I can't tell you how disappointing it's been to have things looking up, be focused on work (or school, etc) to give birth to my little blessings. In retrospect, I've noticed that those were the times that really absorbed the hours and minutes of my life and left very little room for what I wanted or desired. I don't know if all new wives, new moms are like that; but it was definitely that way for me. Anyway, now everyone is old enough and competent enough to make his own bowl of cereal or PB&J. I finally feel like there is time to think about me and be committed to the work it takes for me to be at a healthy weight. You guys are STUCK with me!! :D
25 Apr 14 by member: LuC2
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Using my armband to log my steps and my food, I lost 30 pounds just doing it by myself. The lucky day that I found FS, I was overjoyed to see people discussing their weight and all the stuff we talk about. I am almost at another 30 pound loss while I have been here. I have learned so much from all of you. Thank you for being here!
25 Apr 14 by member: Deb_N
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I hope you haven't deleted me. Sorry, I'll post more
26 Apr 14 by member: diehard3
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I'm not sure that 3 weeks is a good measure of someone having left for good. I'll be running elk hunting camps in the Rockies this fall. Depending on how many of our clients draw, I will be away from internet service (and possibly cell service) for somewhere between two and six weeks.
I do know what you mean about folks dropping off the site though. When I believe their gone, I just check to see if they are still logging calories. If they haven't logged anything in 90 days, I usually delete them. I feel that they may not be journaling for personal reasons (busy, travel, sick, depressed?, family issues), but as long as they are still trying, I want to be here in case they want to "chat". Some folks gain strength by just reading what others have to write.
26 Apr 14 by member: TXSnowman
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Logging my food diary here at fatsecret was so very helpful to me. I have seen a lot of my buddies go by the wayside too, including my daughter. Weight loss is such a challenge, that folks get discouraged when they reach a plateau and say the heck with it I can't do it and quit trying.
26 Apr 14 by member: diehard3
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The people who were dropped were people who hadn't been seen for a month and were on for three weeks or less. Some I kept where it seemed logical to me because of discussions I'd had with them. Diehard. Don't be silly. ;) I know you're around. I'm not trying to get people to post more. Logging food means you're here and doing your thing. I just get frustrated by people who say they're trying but their actions show otherwise. Taking a couple of days to let the frustration go. I'll be logging my food, but that will be about it. (Hopefully nobody deletes me, lol.)
26 Apr 14 by member: northernmusician
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gonna check if we are still buddies buddy!!! (*lol*)
being my buddy remains a choice!
26 Apr 14 by member: puhpine
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I understand where you are coming from. You remind me of my husband. When he is focused, nothing will railroad him. He intimidates me with how focused he is. I choose a slightly different approach. I measure everything, I make mindful choices, I exercise, I journal, but...I also include things in my life that I know I will always want in my life and I don't apologize for it. After all, this is supposed to be a lifestyle change, not a diet. Eating better overall is a great result of a lifestyle change. The key is, I don't complain that I'm not losing fast enough, etc. My progress has been steady-as-she-goes but nothing phenomenal. I can live with that. I am happy with that. When I hit the weight I am happy to stay at, I will do the same in choosing an RDI that keeps me at that weight. I can't swear that I will continue logging my food for much beyond 3 months of maintenance. I will probably check back in once a week or so to make sure I'm staying on track.
26 Apr 14 by member: gilliansings
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TXSnowman has a point. I am a 'post-er' but I'm also a chatty person by nature (and a writer) so I'm not sure I represent the masses. Many may gain strength by reading others info and research. I admit, some days when I'm discouraged or distracted I do log on and just read...I may hit 'support' but mostly...just read (until I can see my path clear for tomorrow).
26 Apr 14 by member: LuC2
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NM, while everyone works at their own pace, sometimes people get overly ambitious. If someone says they want to be 150 by July 1st, and July comes and goes, and so does August and September, it doesn't mean they aren't trying, it just means they a) made an unrealistic goal b) didn't take the goal seriously c) who the hell knows. LOL. My point is, you and I are seriously goal-oriented people, and other people here are too, while others will go at their own pace, even if that pace has them losing that "last 20 pounds" for the rest of their lives! So what? Let them. Why not focus on the people who are on your side, who value your input for them (like me and several others here) and who help you when you need the boost? I'd say if someone here seems like they are not walking the talk, write 'em off and re-focus your time and efforts on those who do value you and vice versa. Yes, it's sad to lose someone, or even several from FS. I know who you mean about April 1st. I miss her, too. It happens. Maybe she was in an accident or had a family crisis, we have no way of knowing. Unless someone has her cell number, we'll probably never know and the timing could be coincidental. Bottom line: invest your time where it pays off the most. Don't follow those who frustrate you. Write off those who are gone. Let's get on with OUR goals. Period.
27 Apr 14 by member: mrsmole
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People lack resolve because we live in an instant gratification type of society! Why do people eat fast food? Because you get it right away. It took me a long time to get my weigh. So I understand the it's not coming off overnight; this is where people lack the resolve. Plus they say it takes 30 days to break a habit...THAT'S ONLY IF IT'S NOT A REALLY BAD HABIT YOU'VE HAD FOR YEARS! I say it takes much longer and again, because most of us are programmed for instant gratification, it is tough to be consistent.
27 Apr 14 by member: madanjen
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Yes it is hard to stay motovaited. That is why I need FS and real life friends to encourage me. It is a long, slow road and really there is no end to it, it is the road I must travel. Eventually it becomes your normal path, but you have to stay on it. No going back. You slip back in very small steps, so you don't even notice. Yes, people miss the "old" way of being, it is easier and "fun-er" but not in the long run. It makes me sad when people I care about just say they want to lose weight and don't do what it takes. I was one of them for a long time--witness my weight----I was "dieting the whole time. I believe you have to have a "life changing event" or as A.A. says-hit bottom before you can muster the resolve, determination what ever it takes to change. So I watch people I love not change anything and know I can not change them, they have to change themselves. We only know the "right" answer for ourselves- and often we don't even know that
27 Apr 14 by member: dreamsinart
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For me, rock bottom was squeezing into a 26/28 and considering having to buy a 30/32 for a blouse! The 26 was uncomfortable and the 30 was a little too loose SO I had a choice -- (a) buy the 30 and have a little room to grow or (b) realize that enough was enough and start creeping d-o-w-n. (Plus, just trying on the various sizes and designs of white blouses had actually winded me and I wanted to sit down off my feet...I felt ridiculous for forcing myself to live that way.
27 Apr 14 by member: LuC2
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northernmusician's Weight History
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