northernmusician's Journal, 12 Jul 15

LOVE IT!! Even though I was never quite at that level as junk food didn't have the appeal. Just too much of eating good food and drinking too much beer; not paying attention to portions and leading a sedentary life. It still has the same costs but well worth it. I love being able to keep up with the grandkids more and to outwork those 30 yo's. It's also kinda fun to now wear clothes that my teenage granddaughters think are cool. I still eat awesome food but within portion limits, I still drink some beer but not 4-6 everyday.  

I am addicted to flavour, texture and feeling full....not satisfied but full. I have learnt that I cannot eat 1 block of chocolate and put the rest away. So if I buy I only buy when I can give away the rest. Restrictions only say to me ...eat more. So I taste and pass immediately. Cravings come and go so I try to remember how hard it was to begin and the initial withdrawal from sugar, highly seasoned foods and bread (I make a no flour flax bread as a replacement) so it keeps me pretty straight on the diet. I usually put about 1tbsp of unsweetened juice in about 8oz water so I make it my goal to drink all so it cuts my cravings in a few minutes. I LOVE food so I will always be on FS. I have a love hate with the scale... so if its not moving I look for other ways to feel good about the weight loss process. So far so good. 

I was healthy as a horse and as big as one when I started. Health was never an issue so it was totally vanity and wanting to get back what I had years ago.... like the saying, "Wish I was as skinny as when I thought I was fat". Reality hit and knew I'd never do it and found the right weight. Now... it's a totally different story. Focused on health issues on all aspects. Fortunately, still healthy not considering the stroke. But I have to focus on making sure my heart doesn't throw another clot thus another stroke. It keeps me fearful of the unknown. I will indulge on occasion, but it will never be the way it was; 2-3 packs of Little Debbie/daily. It would be so easy to return to the old ways. But living healthy gives me more pleasure. 

I am so glad I came back to FatSecret because of folks like you. Your willingness to share and be blunt about our shared problem. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and now I am here to support as well.  

That is a great story. You have inspired me. I need to be as diligent as you about maintaining my weight and not let the fat girl make another appearance.  

You, my buddy, are and inspiration. Thanks for posting, donna 

Well... I know I should proof read... that is AN inspiration!!!!! 

Very very true, my friend! So happy you found a new life and have so much strength and confidence now! 

Good for you, well done!  

Me? I'm addicted to the 'answer'. The 5:2(really hard but was great to get the cholesterol down, and taught me if get hungry I won't expire on the spot and an intellectual amount calories is enough no matter what my stomach says), the carb cycling(ok, hard to do), the Alton Brown(ok, hard to do), the Carb night(super bust), old Atkins, new Atkins( which, if you can do it, are good diets). I'm just counting calories now, seems to be enough, losing slowly. If I count I watch what I eat, and I don't over eat. Trying to talk myself into by passing the cocktail to cut a few hundred calories a day out, which is my chocolate so to speak, as I pretty much can't have cchocolate anymore.  

Well said. Thank you for sharing.  

And congrats, it is inspirational. Trying hard to get there and I keep falling off. "I get knocked down, but I get up again...." I appreciate you sharing your experiences, I love seeing that it does work. Without people posting your journeys we would know it. Thanks. 

Thank you for sharing! I used to hide my "goodies"too and then eat them secretly. :( 

Rocker. I'd never heard that saying before. I think it's more women who have that memory and outlook. Guys aren't targeted by culture and advertisers the way women are in that aspect. Katred12 - I love the idea of the 'Intellectual calorie' vs the desired calorie. So true for me. 

A great journal entry and great comments too. Thanks for posting. I can relate to all of that. Plus it's not fair! - my hubby can eat, and drink, anything he wants and not get fat! 

I can walk away from most things unless I am seriously hungry these days. But I used to eat just to eat as the action and chewing was a comfort. Being fat was a comfort. See my bio for more details of why that is so. It still is a factor. And there is a part of me that still wants to fall into that zone of comfort. I love savory more than sweet, and i love things with a crispy texture, chips, doritos etc.... and so when I was depressed (which was often) not realizing my eating disorder at the time of self-medicating with food I could easily pound down a bag or more and if I had dip it was more and wash it down with a 2 liter of pepsi in an afternoon. :P Then still eat dinner and have 2nds or 3rds. It was a vicious cycle and the meaner my ex was the more depressed I got and the more I ate. Then we divorced - best single thing that has ever happened in my life for my weight - ok temporarily - he told me I was fat and ugly and worthless and that he had been cheating on me. At first I was devastated. Then I got a job, found and apt took the kids, went back to school and left. I filed for divorce and i also started working out. My eating diminished out of shame/hatred and the fact that I had anxiety so extreme I could not even put food in my mouth some days. In a few months I had lost 40+ lbs. The divorce was finalizing when I met my current husband and he turned my life around. I was happy but strangely I quickly returned to eating once I was happy. Make you kinda go what???? Therapist says I changed because I did not feel I deserved happiness and was using food again to drive a wedge between myself and any happiness I perceived. Some meds helped the issues other made me sick, I mean dizzy cannot get out of bed kind of sick. I have tripped down the weight loss path almost yearly since my divorce. But what it boiled down to is I have to remain focused on my goals... I had to decide what I wanted more and sometimes that is a daily struggle. THus here I am getting the support I needed for the first time. Because my therapist was great a pinpointing the why but not in helping and supporting me in my goals. So let's all stick to the plan whatever each individuals plan is... *hugs* I need to thank all of you for your much needed support. 

Growing up, I was always the spindly, skinny kid. Through high school and college, I had a ten pound range that I stayed within, eating and drinking whatever I wanted. I had never really worried about my weight ever. Well, that was half a lifetime ago, before I had kids, before I discovered the world of foods beyond mom's adequate but not stellar cooking, before I married a guy raised by a foodie. I am tall and carried my excess pounds pretty well. In my mind, I was still the skinny girl, so, when I did worry about it, I lost a few pounds and then when back to life as usual. As the kids got older, I found myself hiding treats because I wanted to have them myself, not share them with the kids. That was perhaps my first clue that something needed to be done, the secret bag of fun size Butterfingers and the novelty-shaped Reese's peanut butter cups tucked away in the high cabinet. Anyway, it took stepping on the scale the day I passed the 180 mark to really jolt me awake, to realized that I was going in a very unhealthy direction and I needed to start doing something about it right then and there. My world began to change, not all at once, but bit by bit over the last six months. Even though I have lost 30 pounds and I still feel sometimes like I have just been pretending, that I will reach my goal and then my true self, the lady who can eat half a pan of brownies without blinking or downing an entire back of potato chips and looking around for the next snack. I think I have gotten the hang of this losing weight portion, but I am extremely nervous about when I turn that off and attempt to maintain my progress. Thank you for sharing your confession. :) 

I used to hide the candy wrappers in my closet, when there was a lot of them I would dump them in the container on the street so nobody would know about my binges. If I would have just put it in my garbage cans somebody would see them, this way there was no proof. 

Thanks for sharing your story and thanks to all the respondents that shared their stories as well. We have all been in similar situations and handled them poorly. Hopefully, collectively we can learn from each other and see success is attainable and right around the corner. 

Absolutely Gwen.