Nikina70's Journal, 21 Apr 21

Not an easy week and today is a challenge for me emotionally, but I wanted to get back to exercise so did:
Sydney Cummings - 50 Minute Legs AMRAP Workout | SHRED - DAY 10

Recon if I can get to 150 minutes like last week I'll be happy. Also would be happy to just maintain this week. Eating out twice and guestimating the calories so hopefully it won't be too bad overall.

It's my Mom's birthday today. She would have been 73 and we probably would have gone out somewhere for a meal to celebrate. Instead my sister and I went out for lunch and a walk. We'll also had some soft serve ice-cream because they always used to have some when they went to the seaside. We all have a sweet tooth we probably inherited from her.

One of my happiest memories is on holiday in Turkey in 2018 having dinner with my family and sharing profiteroles smothered in chocolate sauce with her. We look so happy in the photo and that's how I want to remember her. She is part of the reason why I want to live a healthy life and live to a ripe old age. I don't want to struggle with weight and diabetes like she did and take chronic medication each day. I want to be able to go for daily walks and have hobbies and projects. She once said the salad I had for lunch was 'rabbit food' and that kind of hurt - mostly because I thought she'll never understand and I didn't know how to get through to her to try to eat healthy food 80% of the time and then the other 20% can be all the delicious crazy yumminess.

We will also have some of the fruit cake she bakes every year for Christmas today. She usually bakes only a few and only special friends and family get one. This year they've stayed in their cake tins with my sister lovingly dousing them with brandy every so often. It's so strange to know these are the last fruit cakes we'll ever eat made by her - it will be a special moment, but still so hard. I have the recipe though so will be carrying on the tradition.

And if someone says this is not weight-loss related - this photo is what I was going to use - cropped - as my after photo. I was 63kg there, but I just never feel comfortable posting progress or any pics of myself. So this is my first - besides my profile pic. Hello to all my friends out there! I am now 7kg heavier than I was that day, but I'm still smiling and I will reach my goal again. Hope you're smiling today too!

View Diet Calendar, 21 April 2021:
2105 kcal Fat: 68.20g | Prot: 64.66g | Carbs: 315.47g.   Breakfast: Woolworths Iced Carrot Cake, SPAR 100% Lemon Juice. Lunch: Soft Serve Light Ice Cream Sundae with Chocolate or Fudge Topping, McCain Sweet Potato Chips, Sasko Regular Plain White Bread Buns, Mediterranean Delicacies Hummus, Woolworths Freshly Smashed Avo, Meatless Vegetable Burger or Patty, Woolworths Cappuccino Cafe Latte. Dinner: BOS Protein Soya Chunks, Cooked Broccoli (from Fresh), FitChef Vegetarian Pesto Veg Penne Pasta. Snacks/Other: Apple Cider, Fruitcake , Safari Large Pitted Prunes, Nestle Ricoffy. more...
1991 kcal Exercise: Weight Training (moderate) - 45 minutes, Stretching (yoga) - 5 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 10 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...

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Comments 
Sorry this is a hard day for you. Glad you have good memories with her. it's a beautiful photo. I think sometimes people make comments like the "rabbit food" one because it's become normalized to eat the super-delicious, over-the-top, fatty, carby meals all the time or because they do know and feel insecure about their own choices.  
21 Apr 21 by member: LaughingChevre
hello lovely face 😍 I appreciate this post so much. my dad passed 14 years ago at the age of 62. he was a food addict. we estimate he was around 180kg when he died. he had every complication. he had an amazing soul and his life could have been so much more joyful... but he was trapped in his addiction.i don't want to die like that. I was always ashamed of eating in public because I thought people saw me and assumed I'd end up like him. I think he must have felt sad about that. but I wasn't ashamed of him. it's a twisted complicated set of feelings that I still haven't worked through... but I do it bit by bit and day by day in every good healthy choice I make for myself. I'm so glad that you and your sister shared the day ❤️ 
21 Apr 21 by member: Shereen Donede
A bittersweet day, I'm sure. It's beautiful that you and your sister share time honoring her memory. You are both beautiful in that picture and I can see the love in your faces. Don't worry about what people say, it's part of what keeps you on track. That's the whole point of this community of kindred souls. 
21 Apr 21 by member: Katsolo
Lovely photo and beautiful smile - don't change a thing!  
21 Apr 21 by member: HCB
Have a great day be blessed 😊 🙏 
21 Apr 21 by member: jenny3781
A lovely photo, thanks for sharing your post💗 May God comfort you and the family at this time🙏🏽 
21 Apr 21 by member: Daughter of the_King
Beautiful beautiful photo of you and your mother. Those memories certainly can bring comfort and also remind us of life lessons learned. Our mothers are always teaching us, no matter if they are right beside us or being held in our hearts. ❤ 
21 Apr 21 by member: _bec_ca
Thinking of you today. Sending you big hugs. I know today was emotional. Tomorrow will be better. Your mum is never far from your side. 🙏 You are beautiful just the way you are. You are (more than) enough. 💛💜💛 
21 Apr 21 by member: SwoleMateBunny
lotsa luv hun.... ahh our moms jus so precious. mom is smiling down on u .....God bless you on this journey 🙏 
21 Apr 21 by member: zazu2
My sister and I had a lovely outing yesterday and I'm feeling somewhat better today. All your messages and clicks of support have really shown me why I feel safe in this community rather than any other social media platform. Thank you so much to all of you for helping me through this! 
22 Apr 21 by member: Nikina70
Thank you LC, Shereen, Katsolo, HCB, Jenny, Ettenauj, Ccandco, LCFF and Zazu2 for your kind messages! I do appreciate it so much and hope you all are doing well! 
22 Apr 21 by member: Nikina70
Shereen, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I have a similar experience with my dad who passed away 13 years ago at the terribly young age of 57. He was so generous, kind and funny and I miss him so much, but I was angry with him for years that he'd left us so young and that he wouldn't get to see my nieces grow up. His addiction was alcohol and his liver and pretty much all his organs eventually just failed. I have had a bit of a stigma of being the black sheep of the family as I also went through a stage of heavy-ish drinking, but thankfully I didn't get to where I needed formal help for it and I have it well under control now. I also was the only one who smoked like he did, but at least I stopped that 10 years ago now and I'm so grateful that I was able to do that. So I understand where you're coming from and wanting to not be 'seen as', but I hope we are both well past that! I only wish that both of them could have gotten help when they needed it, but we can't dwell on that. What we can do, as you say, is keep making those healthy choices for ourselves every day. Because we deserve it and we know they would have wanted it for us too. Hope you're having a lovely day today! Keep smiling! Now I must try to get some work done :) xxx 
22 Apr 21 by member: Nikina70
Hugs and love to you. I’ve learnt on these journeys we need to do what we need to do for us. People will always say something. 
22 Apr 21 by member: SunikaN
Dearest Nikita! These photos are beautiful, and you look stunning! I think your mother would have been so proud of you and the great woman you have become and the inspiration you are to those you interact with! I hope you enjoyed the fruitcake, and I can just imagine how you’ll continue the tradition! You should totes share some pics with us when you bake them 🤤 
22 Apr 21 by member: Unicorns_Exist
Aah, thanks so much SunikaN and Unicorns_Exist for your lovely messages and you are too kind U_E! Hope you both have a lovely day! 
23 Apr 21 by member: Nikina70
Thank you so much for saying that, Mermee! I actually look more like my dad and in later years I look like his mom, my grandmother (we used to call her Mama), the most. So, I never really saw a resemblance with my mom, but now that you've mentioned it I do think we have the same smile so thank you for that! Something else I inherited from her was great legs and of course she taught me the most important bits about being a good and kind person and she was always there for me and my two sisters. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Always appreciated! 💕 
24 Apr 21 by member: Nikina70

     
 

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