The Mouse That Lived to Fight Another Day.
I have spent the last two days mainly in bed, flat on my back resting my lower back. A painful condition called coccydinia.
The time was around 01:30am – the small hours. I was in a deep pain free sleep, when Lulu Lowcarb awoke me. She was very agitated saying, “Come quick an intruder is at the back of the house.” In a half daze I sprang out of bed, donning my dressing gown and carpet slippers. My back pain which had abated came crashing back. I exclaimed something like, “S** **!” well let’s not go there.
Making my way to our house back door, fuming at the audacity of any supposed perpetrator, spurred on by my aching back and an unhealthy flood of testosterone, I slid the bolts and unlocked the door. Lulu shoved a wooden spoon into my right hand. I remember saying, “What the hell is this for?” She pulled a sheepish grin and with eyes like saucers said, “A weapon.” I shoved it back to her hand and chuckled. I swung the door open wide testosterone pumping and naked apart from my dressing gown and carpet slippers I was ready for a rumble with anyone who dared to invade our private spaces.
I heard a muffled meow and looking down saw Patches our cutest kitty run between my legs. Patches made a beeline for the lounge closely followed by Lulu Lowcarb. I then realised what the cause of the problem was. During the day I had moved one of our wheelie bins against our outhouse. I heard a loud, “Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump” as the rest of the kitties jumped one at a time off of the roof of our outhouse onto the lid of the wheelie bin, onto the ground then in through the now open back door. It reminded me of a clip from a WWII movie where paratroopers jump out of an aircraft one after the other with superb timing.
Panic over I was locking the back door, when I heard Lulu cry out from the lounge, “Quick a mouse!” Patches, (Leader of the pack) had caught a little door mouse. She had it by the scruff of the neck. By the time I made it into the lounge there it was – Minnie mouse siting quiet still in the middle of the lounge carpet surrounded by all six kitties, very reminiscent of an old Wild West cowboy and Indian film where the settlers were surrounded by a tribe of furry Indians, circling and about to pounce. Phoebe made the first lunge, but as quick as a flash not unlike a rugby halfback snatching the ball Lulu swept Phoebe up, before she got to Minnie mouse.
Minnie saw the break in the circle and made a dash for the fire place. Fortunately for Minnie it hadn't been on and was quiet cool. Minnie squeezed in to the ash pan area taking refuge behind the decorative cast iron frontage of the fireplace. The tribe of kitties crowded the fire place paws thrashing about dislodging coals trying to get poor Minnie out.
Trying to get the kitties away was impossible, typically not unlike trying to herd cats; they were having none of it. Obviously the best sport they’d experienced all night. The only way to get them out of the lounge was to bring in the big guns. Lulu came to the fore with the Dyson portable vac. It makes a shrill whine when turned on and terrifies the kitties. They all exited the lounge in great haste allowing me to close the door and set about rescuing Minnie.
I laid an old newspaper in the hearth and armed with a large dish for the coals and a pint glass for Minnie, I carefully removed the coals one at a time – There it was trying to hide behind the last three coals in the fire grate, its tiny black eyes staring at me in abject terror. Its one mistake was leaving its long tail exposed. I grabbed the tail and deposited Minnie unceremoniously into the empty pint beer glass popping a beer mat on the top.
Lulu opened the door and our tribe of moggies poured back into the lounge looking for Minnie. Too late! Lulu had quickly closed the door shutting the kitties back in the lounge. They fruitlessly inspected the now empty fireplace. Lulu whisked Minnie out to the back garden releasing it into the night and the nearest hedgerow to play cat and mouse another day.
Lulu brought a box of kitty treats into the lounge scattering the treats onto the carpet as a consolation prize. Half an hour later I had re-assembled the fireplace and was back in bed trying to get back to sleep, counting sheep jumping over a fence or was that kitties jumping on a wheelie bin.
