kickingcarbs's Journal, 04 Oct 21

IMO what did your divorce agreement says about distance? 10+ hours drive is too much for a child. It is tough these days to find a reliable childcare center but if you do find one it is expensive. A sacrifice that you must make. You can make a formal complaint to the law board about your attorney’s behavior. If you have a computer or laptop with good internet speed you can search for jobs remotely without any experience make sure they pay you not pay them. 

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Keepgping1234 didn’t need your negativity. You don’t know the entire situation. You haven’t factored in his drug use, physical abuse, child neglect and so many other things. So unless you plan to be positive and supportive when I was reaching out for help you can keep your opinion to yourself. Thank you for stopping bye but please leave my page.  

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Speaking from experience - sharing parenthood with a person who is not a good parent can be very long term difficult. You have just started - It is a long term life situation - there are many years to come - and all of the life events for the rest of your life and his too. There is schooling - there are holidays - later there is high school and all of the life events - including graduations and the children's marriages and then the grandchildren. Once you share family - it is for life. Some worse parents - just stay away and have nothing to do with their own child - Some worse parents - care enough to stay away - in order not to damage their own child. I have been there ... and ... one day at a time...one step at a time. Sometimes - you just pick up your skirts - and turn away from all of them - just to never have anything at all with that family - not ever again and sometimes you have no choice. 

It the other parent is an active drug addict with all of the related issues that come with drug addiction ... then there should be a court recognition of a required "clean up" with following supervised visits - if the other parent is really interested in a long term relationship with their child. The courts of today are pretty specific about requirements for dry out programs to negate addictions and the safety of children. The courts are usually very experienced with your same type of parenting situation. It is not easy. Seek some other help like woman's support groups or self empowerment groups and do study your own rights - according to the law in your area. So empower yourself. Wishing you and the baby the best. 

Do not forget to look up something positive each day and to find something that makes you smile or laugh - in a short time - it will be 5 years from now - then 10 years from now - and then 20 years from now...and you will be a changed and different person with an adult daughter who will probably remember how strong and loving her mother always was when she was a child. 

If he lives 10.5 hours away I don't see how 50/50 can work. What is going to happen when she is old enough for school. I have a feeling he doesn't want to pay child support and that is the only reason he wants 50/50. He is a loser. When you go to court ask for supervised visitation for him to start with based on his abuse and drug problem. You want to come across to the judge you want your daughter to have a good relationship with the loser father (even though you probably want him to leave you alone and never see him again). For some reason the courts think loser dads deserve a lot of time with the kids. You want to come across as being concerned for her safety while wanting him to have a relationship with her this the reason to start out with supervised visits. Hopefully if he has to do that he loses interest and goes away. I have kid with a loser and she is almost 18 now and it has been a long fight to try to get him out of our life. The thing you have on your side is he is a long drive away. Hopefully he gets tired of the drive and just leaves you alone. Have you checked into any legal aid to help the court fight. Your lawyer sounds like he doesn't want to help. Not sure if there is any free help available in your area for the custody and visitation. 

Wow thank you everyone for the suggestions and support. I have already called legal aid. Just waiting to hear back. Hopefully they will be able to help me. And I’m in a much better place now. I just had a really hard time the other night. Sometimes all of this gets so overwhelming. But my baby girl is definitely my true north and I have to remember to keep focusing on her and roll with the punches while I fight back intelligently. Thank you all for helping me through this. I know it isn’t 100% weight loss BUT this is the only media platform I have ever felt comfortable sharing myself with. And the stress does affect my ability to not gorge and have more self control with food. I love this community and I’m so thankful for each of you  

I'm very sorry for your troubles. Praying for you and your baby.  

Is there a women's shelter group that has a line for another lawyer? Is there a program in your city who can provide free paralegal, social worker services. Have you compiled & organized all the necessary paperwork, evidence you need for the court date? Show the court what your step and/or plan for supporting yourself and child care. It's not who deserves the child, it's who can take better care of the child. If your lawyer is not answering your calls and you'll have to step up. Deep breaths, make lists, do them, cross them off your list. One item at a time. Do that, you won't have time to eat...😉 With each item you get off your list, your anxiety should lessen. Best of luck. Go get 'em mama.