TaniaBarnet's Journal, 30 May 20

PB&J is awesome 😎 hope you feel better xx 

I am feeling I am losing the battle. My home already looks like a battlefield. Without regular help, I cannot survive. My legs are huge and so is my belly. Soon the fluid will crystallise in my legs and I won't be able to stand again or walk. I am jealous of people who can control their bodies and do not have to plan every move with military precision. I mean even sitting on the stool is not easy because I cannot position myself centrally and I can't put my hand between my leg to draw it closer to my body (as normal people do). Where am I supposed to find motivation when I know how things will play in this crappy scenario I call my life?  

The spinal headaches happen when fluid accumulates in the tissues of my neck putting pressure to the nerves and vessels. It is accompanied by just a tiny bit worse eyesight than the day before (progressive blindness) and loud ringing in my ears. Dropping weight could help as would daily bandaging which facilitates the flow of fluids. I have kidney disease which means I have to take heart pills to lower my pressure to save the kidneys. But lowering blood pressure = relaxing blood vessels = > loss of lymph and accumulation in the skin tissues. But I cannot do anything without a carer! (I advertised on FB but people do not even show up for a video interview. Nobody really wants to work because they are cushty with the benefits, it seems.) 

I’m sorry. That all sounds like a lot to handle, but you can do it 💪 stay strong x