Snowwhite100's Journal, 06 Apr 24

There are several people asking how I am so I should report in to let them know I am still hanging in. My weight went up to 134.8 from 117 after our daughter died when I could wear size 8 and even some 6's. but I am back in size 12's. Since I lost 4 inches in height I'm down to 5' tall so that makes me very fluffy. For the last 3 months, I have been having trouble with my heart. If I walk too fast, climb stairs, or push a grocery cart I get chest pressure that goes up into my throat. The cardiologist gave me nitro patches but I haven't used them. It's gone from about once a week to almost every day now, so I just have to slow down. I still do intermittent fasting about 16/8, waiting till about 12 to eat brunch but feel I can't extreme diet because of my heart. I went on a three-day sardine fast a couple of weeks ago advocated by Dr. Boz and lost several pounds but of course, at least one or two came back. I've given up wine and only have dessert about once a week, but it is only with the sardines that I started losing. Now I am trying to only have a can of sardines for brunch and have a regular dinner, but no snacks later, only herb tea. I did get hungry this afternoon and had a small grapefruit, almonds, and some cream cheese. The sardines are barely tolerable with mustard, but I wonder for how long. I was reading Debbie Cousin's journal and she wants to lose approximately 50 pounds by Aug 16th, which sounds very ambitious. If I picked an ambitious number for myself, it would be 14 pounds to go to 118 by that date, since I have slowed down so much. But it would put me in the neighborhood of where I was at when our daughter died. Giving up wine, most desserts, and now the sardines is what would give me hope. If we got even near our goals, it would be a miracle. She hurt her leg and back, and I have become a turtle. I am better emotionally than I was 6 months ago since my husband has not hit me since then. But he is angry at me almost every day which is a great strain. I am not perfect but I am trying to keep my mouth shut completely and do whatever he asks. With his memory loss, he gets very frustrated and wants me to help him with the computer. But many of the things he asks me about, I know little to nothing. His health keeps deteriorating and he feels the need for more and more oxygen. But it is his heart that is worse, not his lungs, even with the emphysema, and COPD. He was ready to go to the hospital to die yesterday but is better today. We did this exact scenario two weeks ago. His primary doctor is ordering a hospital bed for him so he can move downstairs but we do not have a bedroom downstairs. I have been sleeping on the couch in the living room for a year and a half now since he locked me out of our bedroom. When he moves downstairs I will move back up to our bedroom since his oxygen and CPAP are very noisy and he keeps the furnace turned up high because he is cold all the time. Between the noise and the high heat, I can't sleep even with earplugs.

60.1 kg Lost so far: 0 kg.    Still to go: 6.7 kg.    Diet followed: Reasonably Well.