I truly feel for you for I was where you are now a few years back, I lost my son John he was 24 and my best friend.
Its a journey that you want not a soul to ever travel.
I believe I even met the devil once during the beginning of my loss but God walked with me open my eyes and showed me the positive of this life loss and Im a better person for it now.
My prayers are with you sweetie and may you find peace through one of the toughest things a human can go through, a mother who loses her child, God bless you.