Snowwhite100's Journal, 09 Jun 23

Even though I enjoy having a glass or two of wine while making dinner I have not had any in 65 days, and have only had 2 desserts/sweets in 37 days. Even so, I haven't lost any weight other than going up and down a pound. Being old and inactive due to my bad back it seems it will take drastic action to lose the 16 pounds I gained after our daughter passed away. A couple of people tried to put a guilt trip on me but I'm ignoring them. Having a child die is very traumatic so I don't feel guilty, it's just pretty inconvenient. At my size that's 2 to 3 sizes up in clothing so I live mainly in stretch pants, and am busy taking out seams down my pants and tops that I sewed in as my weight went down in the past. Most of those are still too small since I cut off the extra fabric. I have lots of "hand-me-downs" from my late sister-in-law. Mainly they are beige and tan cotton kaiki pants and lots of tennis-type shirts. Not things I would buy but if I cut off the sleeves to a cap sleeve and zig-zag the edge it ruffles it a little and makes the sleeve more feminine so I can get by for every day. Today I'm having my teeth cleaned and then taking my husband to an appointment for his hearing aids. Yesterday I drove him to a doctor appointment with an ear doctor for an infection he has. It's always something. Last week he had 4 appointments and I went to the chiropractor. My back is worse as of yesterday so couldn't go to sleep last night. It scares me when it is so painful, since last year I couldn't get out of bed by myself for 2 weeks. I only got 3 hours of sleep, but it felt better when I got up and around this morning. The man that cuts the grass every two weeks came today so I went out and picked up fallen loquats off the back lawn and cut the dead roses off about 15 bushes. The ones out along the sidewalk have mostly dead blossoms. I counted the dead blossoms on one bush just for the fun of it, and it had 55 dead blossoms. Now it doesn't even have one live blossom on it. Some of them up next to the house have about 20% of live roses on them. A hummingbird was buzzing me so she must have babies up in the tree. Time to take my blood pressure and get ready. Unfortunately too often lately it is over 170, before meds.
61.0 kg Lost so far: 0 kg.    Still to go: 7.6 kg.    Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
Gaining 0.1 kg a Week

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Comments 
So sorry you're in pain Snow, that makes everything difficult. Can nothing be done? Please take better care of yourself; I'm concerned about your blood pressure. 
09 Jun 23 by member: shirfleur 1
Grief is worn on our bodies. You are still healing. Give yourself grace. As far as diet - try to incorporate more fruits and veg, and don’t beat yourself up over a restrictive diet - not worth it! 
09 Jun 23 by member: nibbies
If you are not sleeping well that can negatively effect any effort to lose weight. A good night sleep is critical to good health. Hopefully, you can find something that will help your back heal and feel good again. There can be lots of reasons for a sore back, stress being one of the most overlooked reasons. 
09 Jun 23 by member: Penderg
So sorry for the loss of your daughter 
09 Jun 23 by member: StormsGirl
So sorry for the loss of your daughter. 
09 Jun 23 by member: sararaze
Thank you all for your support. @Penderg, unfortunately, it seems that I was born with fractures of L5 vertebrae. It's remotely possible it happened before I was 5 since I had 2 falls breaking my arm, once at 2 1/2 and once at 4. It progressed to 3 bulging disks so I live with it the best I can. I don't know if my severe osteoporosis contributes to the pain. But you are right, stress contributes. My previous journals explain about my disabled abusive husband. There is a whole list of reasons I don't leave him, and have no intention of doing so unless I am hurt or very angry and then I hope it would only be for a couple of days because he would start putting my things in the trash, as he regularly does. We will have been married for 62 years next month and have lived in our home for 52 years. I don't want to agitate him. The courts would make us sell our home to divide it, and I'm hoping to keep it. It is too late to start over and he isn't ready for a "home", and we don't qualify anyway. I've been sleeping on the couch since he locked me out of the house and the bedroom, and I average sleeping 5 to 6 hours daily. Yes, I am sleep deprived. The Lord graciously carries me.  
10 Jun 23 by member: Snowwhite100
As I am cleaning out my sister’s apartment I took 18 giant black trash bags of clothes (all in good shape, many “professional clothes’”) of various different sizes to a women’s shelter. Wish I could have given them to someone I knew who needed them.  
10 Jun 23 by member: Kenna Morton
Snowwhite, do you have an extra bedroom in your home you could set up as your own? You could make it your private sanctuary.  
10 Jun 23 by member: SherryeB
Kenna, I also donate clothes to the women's shelter. But the dresses and better things I donate to the Walter Hoving Home in Pasadena. They are a residential drug and alcohol abuse organization that used to be part of Teen Challenge. They dress nicely when they go out to churches and other places for fundraising. Our son was in Teen Challenge so I have a soft place in my heart for them. They have an excellent 1-year residential program as does the Walter Hoving Home. Our son was killed by a drunk driver only 3 months after he left Teen Challenge. My late sis-in-law was a compulsive shopper and I got many hand-me-downs. One year she gave me 75 tops, sweaters, and jackets. Too bad I couldn't wear any of her shoes, but I gave everything to our local church that had a big food ministry. They gave out over 300 boxes of food each week so there were lots of people that could use her clothes. Often my husband would not allow me to keep any. 
10 Jun 23 by member: Snowwhite100
Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Conquer each challenge as they appear. You do such a good job of handling your situation. Sending hugs. 
12 Jun 23 by member: rhontique
God knows everything that you deal with just keep trusting him. Hugs  
14 Jun 23 by member: buenitabishop
Snowwhite so sorry for your loss give yourself time to grief and try to take care of yourself we all grieve differently Grace and mercy to yourself try to think of one thing you can do for yourself and do it. A grief support group might help. Or just talking to a friend. Praying for you 🙏💐 
14 Jun 23 by member: FireQueen57
It's nice to get outside. Helps lift the spirit. I hope your pain subsides and doesn't give you too much trouble. Awful to be in pain! 
17 Jun 23 by member: bearnoggin

     
 

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