melissatwa's Journal, 16 Jul 22

I am humiliated and miserable to post this gain. A diet of stress and potato chips has wrecked me. I must stop and change my ways. I have excuses, but I know what I am putting in my mouth. After years of maintaining the loss of 45 pounds... At least keeping close to my goal weight, I feel lost. I am not asking for advice on how to meal prep or what kind of food to eat or how much to walk. I know these things. I have zero time for extra in my life. We are a family of 9 right now. I am not responsible for everything by any means, but my world is so full. It is a beautiful privilege to help others, but I need to help myself starting today or I will lose myself.  

Today I vow to record here daily... my intake and my weight. I was thinking that I would have a goal to lose some by a vacation. We have been planning to visit my husband's family in BC in one month. I tend to do better with a deadline. Now I realize it simply won't be possible for me to go. I have too many "responsibilities" who need me.

My husband will be gone for more than a week starting this coming Wednesday. I will miss him and that car!

I have another "daughter" coming to visit at the beginning of August for a couple weeks.  She lived with us when she was 16 and comes back every couple years. I have a bed for her, which will be available because one of my daughters will be house sitting locally. This available bedroom happens to be the curtained off dining room. So... it is not exactly private but exactly where our German daughter slept the first time she lived with us nearly 8 years ago! At least it is more private than the living room where two others are sleeping.  At the moment two sleep on mats on the ground and one kid has a couch. When I say "kids," the youngest ones are 18.

Happily, I am only working 4 days a week right now. Everyone can and does help with cooking and or they eat simply put together meals like sandwiches or eggs. Rarely ever is everyone home to eat together. I just need to stop putting easy junk in my mouth. 
I have some injuries plaguing me, so working out is so frustrating. I think I will try to go with a couple kids next week. We will see.  The youngest two have a free membership to my gym for the summer, and they actually need someone to drive them. That should push me to go!

Ok... life awaits!
73.3 kg Lost so far: 13.4 kg.    Still to go: 5.2 kg.    Diet followed: Reasonably Well.

View Diet Calendar, 16 July 2022:
1121 kcal Fat: 38.53g | Prot: 30.14g | Carbs: 173.89g.   Breakfast: 2% Fat Milk. Lunch: Power Up Mega Omega Trail Mix (Package), Brach's Mott's Fruit Snacks. Dinner: Maple Syrup , Sugar, Fried Egg, Franz San Juan Island Nine Grain Bread, Famous Dave's Corn on The Cob, Peach. Snacks/Other: Nectarines . more...
Gaining 1.8 kg a Week

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Comments 
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16 Jul 22 by member: NAVYWIFESKI
🙏🙏🙏 and a hug. Is everyone aware of YOUR needs? Sounds like a firm schedule is desperately needed.  
16 Jul 22 by member: TomLong
Melissa, you and your family are so amazing. you'll get through this. much love. 
16 Jul 22 by member: Katsolo
Thank you, NAVYWIFESKI and Tom. Tom, it is essential... 20 minutes before one kid needed to be an hour away I found out she needed a ride. She had no idea where the place was. She missed much of her orientation, and it was 4 hours out of my day "off." We will get things ironed out, but in the meantime I'm feeling pretty winkled. Katsolo, thanks so much for the encouragement. So discouraged. BTW I sent you a PM a few days back. I haven't checked to see if you got it. ❤️ 
16 Jul 22 by member: melissatwa
You’re very welcome, Melissa!:) 💜 
16 Jul 22 by member: NAVYWIFESKI
Hugs & lots of ❤️ 
16 Jul 22 by member: MichiganBeauty80
I haven't been on this app since January. I also gained. oh well. we'll lose it! right? good luck!!!!  
16 Jul 22 by member: Dee Dee Fen2
Girl! You need no advice. I was feeling the same way. I started thinking that at my age- how many times can I even restart. You can do it and when you are ready- you will. And it will all come back to you! Hang in there and take care of YOURSELF, too!  
16 Jul 22 by member: davidsprincess
Don't beat yourself up. That is a lot of life! *hugs*  
16 Jul 22 by member: SanteeB
9 kids! Wow that’s me growing up! Lol never know of anyone with as big as a family as mine til now. We slept the same way. Those that are lucky, share rooms. Those that are unfortunate sleeps on the couch. I slept on the couch until the older kids got married n left. Meals was if your late you don’t eat cuz there was never any left overs 😂 makes thanksgiving and Christmas very special tho. Hope you find your grove back and let those muscles rip 💪 
16 Jul 22 by member: Supergainz1
Breathe! We got this and are here for you!!! Life has many rollercoasters, we just have to remember to strap in for the ride for safety! 💜💜💜💜 
16 Jul 22 by member: Beetheeney
I can't message or reply to you. go look at my post and I'll delete this. 
16 Jul 22 by member: Katsolo
Dang Melissa, that is a LOT of A LOT. Just breathe girl, all will be OK. Hugs. 💕💕💕 
16 Jul 22 by member: jengetfit123
I can’t imagine trying to juggle all that. As others have said much better than I can, try to carve out a minute or two for yourself. I know, so much easier said than done, but you deserve it. 
16 Jul 22 by member: RhumbaGirl
Praying for you, stay strong and keep the goals small and focused. Your love for others will come back to you. 
16 Jul 22 by member: sposito78
I think many of us know exactly how you feel so I wouldn't feel humiliated. I know you don't need advice since you have been much more successful and losing and maintaining than I have. I understand the potato chip diet! 
16 Jul 22 by member: Fritzy 22
Your load is heavy!! But you are strong - and you know what to do. Blessings and grace. 
16 Jul 22 by member: are1981
I know you know what you need to do so I will just lift you and your family up in prayer.🙏💜 Your life is full right now and often times that's when we tend to forget to take care of ourselves. God is with you and as you know, lean on Him and the answers will come. You are a beautiful, caring, giving, and amazing woman. God bless you always!💜💜💜💜💜 
16 Jul 22 by member: Diana 1234
No reason to feel humiliated. You are human and therefore fallible. You have identified what you need to do. Be honest with yourself and forgive yourself so you can move forward. It’s 8 pounds, not 80. You can do this.❤️ 
16 Jul 22 by member: Danana
It’s really tough what you are dealing with. Yet again, after reading your post, I thought how lucky people around you are to have you in their lives. I hope you can extend the kindness and love you are giving to them to yourself as well. Lots of love from Toronto <3 
16 Jul 22 by member: riaau

     
 

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