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I fell off the wagon. Well, maybe I jumped off the wagon. Once you are off it's extra hard to get back on, because all your addictions are raging. I could make excuses that it started with a couple of times of having severe back pain and taking 2 Advil and a couple of glasses of wine (which does help). Then there were the times I got really upset with my husband (like when he erased all my e-mails or threw away some of my stuff) and had a couple of glasses of wine while making dinner. It's a miracle I'm not an alcoholic. No, it's the Lord holding on to me. Now it's time to stop the sugar madness. I'm up to 3 desserts a day. I'm still doing IF most of the time, and not really eating much bread, but if I don't stop the sugar, that's next. When I'm being strict I don't understand people that aren't, and think that generally people are fooling themselves at what they can eat and "hope" they can lose weight. When I'm binging I don't know how to become resolved and take the hard leap to break the addictions. I'm more and more anxious about #1 the war and what's coming in shortages and changes to our lifestyle, and #2 our daughter and husband are coming in about two weeks for hubby's birthday and how will I ever get the house cleaned up. I've been buying extra as a "prepper". I had taken all the stuff out of the top shelves of the kitchen cabinets to get ready to change the countertops and that project is stalled and now I've got a big pile of canned foods etc. on the dining room floor, plus all my dehydrating things about. Our daughter is not a prepper and doesn't understand or approve of me at all and is quite critical. I get very nervous when she is coming to visit, and am having trouble sleeping which of course just makes everything worse. I'm getting pretty skitterish. Things between my husband and I are mostly quiet and cool at the moment. I guess it's me that's quiet and cool. It's been months since there has been a kiss, a hug, or even a touch. I just try to keep the peace. I'm kind and giving on the surface but down deep inside something is dying. And I even think it's okay. It's getting me ready for the next stage of my life. The Lord holds on to me.
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59.6 kg
Lost so far: 0 kg.
Still to go: 6.3 kg.
Diet followed: Poorly.
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Gaining 1.0 kg a Week
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