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Day 2 (again) of being off sweets. I fell off the wagon and Sunday again was overwhelmed by all the free goodies at church. Yes it would be a good idea to avoid getting free food at church but it helps the food budget greatly plus I take food to a friend that needs help after her surgery. We have had so many doctor visits and tests then gone out to dinner, plus the free goodies at church is how I fell off the wagon. I want to lose a few pounds but I'm not being harsh on myself and haven't even given up high carbs or wine because of the roller coaster my life is right now. We don't know yet if my husband's metastatic melanoma cancer has spread farther than his lymph yet. He will have a scope put down his throat next week to see if the nodule/tumor at the end of his stomach is a melanoma too or something else. I'm expecting melanoma. I was very depressed Sunday, but have been holding it together the last 2 weeks and have been able to take him to his many appointments and taken care of the many telephone calls trying to arrange his consultations and emergency visits for ear infections, plus other things. He is now speaking of changing his way of eating but then buys sweets and drinks pop. At 85 I doubt if he will change, and probably he can't change enough to make a difference anyway. There is no chemo for melanoma, and he can't take the targeted treatment because of his heart failure. Thank you, Lord, for giving me strength. I am terrified of living alone but God will give me that strength when I need it. I have started working on the information I need to collect for making a Living Trust, Will, Advance Health Directive, etc. I see now why I avoided it all these years. Being a private person it is hard to share my information with anyone. They want to know everything we own, all our income, and all our expenses. There are many issues I couldn't get my husband to talk about. Last week I asked him if he was willing to follow my desires of not having chest compressions (they break bones) to be resuscitated, intubation (tube breathing), or artificial feeding at the end of my life. I don't want that pain, and since I will be 80 in two months, those things would not give me any quality time. I fear the pain of them breaking my bones, and wanted to know if he could be strong enough to let me go if it came to that? He said he would do any damn thing he pleased. Clearly, I can't trust him, and although I didn't want to hurt his feelings by cutting him out of decision making that is exactly what I will do and make our daughter solely in charge of life and death decisions for my end of life. One problem is that she has stage 4 cancer. I might outlive her and I have no one else. Her husband will not even discuss these things and says he will commit suicide if she dies. I haven't figured out what to do with my finances yet, but am thinking about it. I have no idea if I will still have my home when I die. My house is very full, plus 2 attics full, (50 years worth) but I'm not willing to give it up until I have to, and have no interest in living anywhere else. Thank you, Lord, I have some finances to figure out. Thank you, Lord, I will still have a small/modest income to live on if my husband dies. I am good at being frugal and can manage unless the bottom falls out of the whole financial system, then we'd all be in the same boat. Everyone, be good to yourself. That is what I am trying to do, and still accomplish something every day.
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56.0 kg
Lost so far: 0 kg.
Still to go: 2.6 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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Gaining 0.3 kg a Week
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