Snowwhite100's Journal, 02 Dec 20

I'm still struggling to give up sweets. They are so very addicting to some of us. Our daughter (stage 4 cancer) and her husband were in town and visited us Sunday. It was wonderful to be with her. She lives in the next state over. and we average seeing her about every 2 or 3 months lately.

I spoke to a man and his wife this evening from a little church I've been attending. He has kidney failure (GFR 14), bladder cancer, and diabetes. They have no knowledge of what would be better to eat for his health. He has a computer but I guess just never looked it up. He is 79 years old. Is it the older generation that knows nothing of nutrition or the effects of sugar. They still think oil or fat is bad for you. He doesn't know how aggressive his cancer is. He knows zero about what foods are hard on the kidneys. He just can't imagine giving up sugar even when hearing that it feeds cancer. I guess his wife knows zero also. Some people don't ask any questions.

Well, maybe I'm not really any better. I haven't been able to stay on the (food) wagon for more than a year now. I confess that when I am on the wagon, I don't understand people binging and ruining their health. And for more than a year, I have been wallowing in the "mud" of sweets and high carbs. I have gone up 4 or 5 sizes. My lowest weight last year was probably unhealthy, but the clothes were fun. Sometimes I think my husband will die any day, and I'll probably lose all the weight. Who knows. I would have trouble not becoming an alcoholic. I sure have to fight the negative thoughts.

One really good thing in my life: is that my house downstairs is cleaner than it's been for several years. Our daughter was so disparaging of my home, that I worked really hard to clean and straighten. I still have books stacked on the floor up to the window sill, across an 8 foot window, but when I close the drapes you don't see them. And I still have one corner of the living room between a cabinet and the wall, stacked with emergency supply food covered by black plastic bags so it doesn't draw attention. Oh yes, one more thing, I do VCR tapes stacked up next to a tall 7 foot high TV cabinet. These things are all in my living room. Actually it's a pretty large room because it originally was a living room next to a bedroom and we took the wall out when we had a big flood in our house. The house was quite awkward with that wall up. The kids were just about grown by then. I admit I carried what ever I was working on upstairs so it would be neat downstairs. I just happened to be lucky she didn't go upstairs this time. Usually she goes up to help my husband with something on the computer, and then she is reminded of my pack rat mess of my hobbies and clothes.

58.4 kg Lost so far: 0 kg.    Still to go: 5.0 kg.    Diet followed: Reasonably Well.