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At the end I count my blessings. My husband is giving me a hard time again about not doing anything about my pain (going down my leg and when I move around). I guess he thinks the doctor can just fix it up, but that is not what I hear. Years ago when he learned I have fractures in L5 that I was born with and never healed, and the physical therapist at Kaiser said to never bend over and even pick up a Kleenex, he said I was acting like a cripple already. Over the years he has asked me to pick up some very heavy things with him. Unfair. I went skiing, gardened, took care of our home, 2 kids, and walked for exercise. Even after breaking T11, while helping him, 5 years ago, and learning I have 3 bulging disks, as my back is degenerating as I get older, he will ask me to climb a ladder and lift something heavy with not even having one hand free to hold on. He isn't fair, and often not kind. He is mad at me. It's not very comfortable having Holidays with someone holding themselves away from you emotionally. He wants my help on the computer, because he is losing his memory, but he is not giving emotionally to me. And it's not just an issue of his getting more calloused with age and memory loss, because it's mostly been this way. If it wasn't for the Lord in my life, I couldn't go on. The Lord helps me to forgive, and have the strength to go on. I was going to say trudge on. I'm sorry to say that is exactly what I am doing. I know I am suppose to have joy, so I feel guilty. I am thrilled to have salvation, but that's close to being it. Yes, of course I am glad to be living in America and have plenty of food to eat, and a dry roof over my head, and a comfortable bed to sleep in. As long as we are frugal, we have enough to live, on our small retirement income.
Sorry to complain, but I have nowhere else. Yes, when I count my blessings, they are many. Thank you Lord. Fasting since 7:30 last night to 1:30=18 hr.
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53.9 kg
Lost so far: 0 kg.
Still to go: 0.5 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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View Diet Calendar, 24 December 2018:
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1095 kcal
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Fat: 104.95g | Prot: 28.72g | Carbs: 10.05g.
Breakfast: Butter, Coffee. Lunch: Bacon Fat (Cooked), Perkins Restaurant Applewood Smoked Bacon (1 Slice), Egg. Dinner: Souper Salad Roma Tomatoes, Diamond of California Pecans Chopped, Trader Joe's Chunky Blue Cheese Dressing & Dip, Kirkland Signature Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Spinach. more...
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Losing 1.0 kg a Week
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 Comments
I see that you really don't have weight to lose. Maybe you need to get a therapist to discuss your problems with. Or see if you can get some type of home health care. As I think if something goes wrong with you, that you , your husband and daughter will seriously be in bad shape. Wishing you improvement on the New Year.
24 Dec 18 by member: Fishingwidow
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Dear Fishingwidow, thank you so much for your good wishes for the New Year. Yes, if something goes wrong with me, my husband will be in a pickle. He is very dependent on me. When I broke my back 5 years ago and couldn't get out of bed, he only gave me 1 piece of toast all day. Our daughter and husband just sold their house here, to have money to live on, and are just here for the Holiday and to visit her doctor for her stage 4 cancer. Sorry my journal was such a downer, I am considering taking it down. There is no way I could afford a therapist. I joined FS a couple of weeks ago because my brain was getting mushy and I want to do Keto and Intermittant Fasting for the brain and health benefits. I am also in my 70's and this time last year I gained 3 sizes in 7 weeks. It took me all year to lose it, so I understand slow weight loss. I love your relationship with your daughters, and your feisty attitude. My European husband, in his eighties, never wanted me to have any household help. For weight loss you want moderation. I got scared about my brain, so I am trying to be very strict. I love FS too. I will try to be better and not complain about my demanding husband. Obviously, I am very codependant. Should I take this journal entry down?
24 Dec 18 by member: Snowwhite100
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Snowwhite100's Weight History
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