ny_shelly's Journal, 30 Oct 16

Hi everyone -
Well, yesterday was a busy day. I had my make-up workout with the trainer and then did a bunch of errands all day. I didn't eat well - chips, candy, cookies. At first I didn't care much because I thought that I was just sick of the whole thing and was taking a break from the discipline of my plan.

Then later when I thought about it more I realized it was more than that...it was a binge in response to a picture of myself. I have a hard time looking at myself in pictures.

I lost 46 pounds and was able to buy some shirts one size smaller yesterday. All good stuff. I got my hair done and the hairdresser I hadn't seen in about 3 months b/c of maternity leave noticed right away that I had lost weight. All good.

But then my boyfriend showed me a casual picture he had taken of me checking out in the Walmart line last weekend and I guess I was so disappointed that I still look super fat. Well, what do I expect? I weight 287 pounds - that's fat and there is no other way to slice it. (He was just teasing me that he snuck a picture he wasn't doing it to be mean or anything)

It must have really bugged me b/c later on I thought ok I am over this I want some chips. I want some cookies. I want some candy. It's ok, I can eat this for one day. No big deal. I am not going to feel guilty. (Yeah, right)

It wasn't until later that I realized what happened. Sometimes I don't recognize that lizard voice. I still can convince myself that it's ok to eat these things. That one day doesn't matter. That it's only "some", a small cheat.

It's not that I don't like myself. I don't walk around throughout the day thinking about being overweight. But when I see a picture of myself it is so "in your face". There is no denying it. It makes me upset I guess.

I have to realize that it is going to take time to lose all the weight and it may be a long time before I can see a picture of myself and think, "Ok I am overweight, but hey not too bad!"

I look in the mirror while I am working out and I think I am overweight, "Look at that stomach, good grief" but it doesn't really bother me as much b/c I am working out and doing something about it.

I have to forget about yesterday and get back on plan today. As expected, I feel gross b/c of all of the crap I ate. I am sure my blood sugar is through the roof - I don't even wanna look. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I am just journaling what happened. I am sure many of us have done the same thing but I like to share the things I do with the community.

Have a great day everyone!

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Comments 
Wow...sounds like me a few months ago. I had lost from 307 down to 266 and on paper it looks really good...then I had my son take pictures of me front and side...dang I'm fat...long story short I went on a binge for four days eating and drinking JUNK...no real food and no exercise. I gained SEVEN pounds...then found this site. All this to say that I think we all go through some sort of binging at some point in our weight loss journey. You recognize what you did wasn't helping you so wipe away the thoughts of that picture and go forward. You've done great with you loss and I applaud you😀 Hang in there...we got this! Have a blessed day. 
30 Oct 16 by member: jan870
The biggest battle is between our ears. Yesterday you lost a skirmish, but you are still winning the war. Regroup and engage the enemy! 
30 Oct 16 by member: rhontique
One day at a time NY. Just keep up with the nutrition and activity and stay positive. You r making a difference everyday you stay on track and negative thoughts interfere with the process. Hang in there and know you are inspiring others and most of all you're making changes everyday. So stick w it and be proud of yourself. Today is a new a day.  
30 Oct 16 by member: Mistybenner
^^Misty and Rhontique.  
30 Oct 16 by member: Arabella66
Great job recognizing that that voice wasn't yours. Gotta say that book "brain over binge" has been a huge game changer for me. And what you've already accomplished is fantastic! I bet when you started if you saw that picture, you would be inspired to reach that.  
30 Oct 16 by member: notelaine
Awww - I understand how you are feeling - BUT it was a picture I saw of myself that inspired me to change and work harder to become better than I was - each day we just strive to do better than the day before. You can do it - and it will be important to learn to manage emotions without the use of food - a lesson we all have had to learn at some time in our journey. 
30 Oct 16 by member: HCB
I was a stress eater. It took me a while to get a handle on the situation. Overeating and/or undereating related to stress and/or emotions can be conquered.  
30 Oct 16 by member: Arabella66
I totally understand the binge mentalityt! I have been there and done that but I do not binge anymore. What stopped the bingeing was self awareness. You, my dear, have had a break through, in recognizing one of the reasons why a binge occurred. Please be kind to yourself and provide nurturing self love at this time in your weight loss journey. Giving yourself unconditional love is the best thing you can give yourself right now..You need to realize that you are beautiful inside and out no matter what the scale says or what the photos of the past looked like. Then the need to binge will stop. Also you have need to celebrate because not everyone can say they have lost a whopping 46 pounds! Best Wishes! 
30 Oct 16 by member: thinner120
Well put thinner120...like that. 
30 Oct 16 by member: Arabella66
Ny...you mean you are human? 
30 Oct 16 by member: SjF60
You are on a journey. It has some obstacles. Sometimes it's hard to feel optimistic, because it's a long hard road and we are, none of us, perfect. I'm sorry you had a down day. I know exactly how you feel. I get that feeling too - who am I kidding, I'm still so fat, I fall off my WOE, still doubt myself. Then when someone comes along and criticizes or makes you feel bad about yourself, it's just hard to have the get up and go to stay vigilant. That's what we're here for; to cheer each other on. I know you can do this, that you want to do this and that you are so going to. Steady on there, Shelly! 
30 Oct 16 by member: erikahollister
Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom and encouragement! I still have had a hard time today but I ate a normal dinner. Tomorrow is a fast day, workout day, and Halloween. The boss is bringing cookies and beer to work tomorrow, if you can believe it! So I will be drinking lots of water instead. 
30 Oct 16 by member: ny_shelly
it is okay to have these things. Just not tons of them and not everyday. You should not feel guilty for treating yourself every once in a while, just don't make stress eating a habit. You got this <3 
30 Oct 16 by member: Paketbote
Thumbs on to the normal dinner. :)) 
30 Oct 16 by member: Arabella66
We are all going through this! I have lost about half what I want to lose but I am still not in any size clothes close to what I want. I had a party and ate everything I wanted to last night too! 
30 Oct 16 by member: abbadabba
We all go through these moments NYS...no matter where we are at on the fat loss road. Don't beat yourself up too much but know that what you do after is important...realizing it was a slip and doing something about it is awesome!! Take care and hope your week ahead makes up for it and then some!! 
31 Oct 16 by member: Steven Lloyd
Shelly, I am so proud of you and more importantly, you should be proud of yourself. Amazing attitude and outlook on the slip you had. We are all human and we can get down on ourselves, but the important part is you didn't let that slip keep you down and you aren't staying in that mind set! You are moving forward and realizing that you are worth this journey!! We will have those days where we just feel like it isn't moving for us, but stop...step back and truly look at all you have accomplished so far! It is hard to not look at what we have left to do, but that can get us discouraged and is so much better to look at what we have done so far and that will help to encourage us to continue and just do all that much better! You've got this Shelly, be proud of yourself and continue loving yourself as you do :) 
31 Oct 16 by member: cheleletourneau
Just want to echo everyone else saying how proud they are that you are: 1) Doing something about your health 2) recognized the voice that leads us astray. You have the attitude to succeed (because you have been). Concentrate on the charts that plot your progress, not the pictures that are a snapshot in time. Don't let success and that "voice" lure you into complacency. That complacency can grow and we need to fight it. I know that from where I am. Don't stop logging, journaling, and exercising. You have done amazing things and you will continue. 
31 Oct 16 by member: mattstoc
Been there, done that. Take pride in your accomplishments so far and please remember that we typically judge ourselves far more harshly than anyone else would. The key is to keep moving forward because it is the right thing to do. Slips and trips here and there are bound to happen. I just remind myself to "pick myself up, dust myself, off, and start all over again."  
31 Oct 16 by member: RiverRes
Keep trying, you are doing well...its a journey, one step at atime...we all have slip and falls....just get back up! 
31 Oct 16 by member: iulani

     
 

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