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Work is plenty stressful. It's easy enough to fast at work, but coming home, I knew I wanted to eat. I recorded it all, and it's under the maintenance RDI, which shocks me. But I ate it all in one shot, and now I don't want any more food.
Not great choices, but you know, I needed comfort and PB sandwiches are what love tastes like in my house.
I do NOT like picking up extra shifts, but they are short staffed and I decided to help out. Also, I need the money for a Hawaii vacation we are saving for. The thing is, when we invited hubby's folks for an all expense paid week in Hawaii, hubby was making 30% more money than he is now. This puts it all on me to work doubles and sacrifice my days off to pay for the thing.
I already raised enough to cover the cost of an Alaskan Cruise for 8, which is happening next month (us, two grown children, one spouse, and three grandkids.) The kids were initially going to pitch in, but SIL turned on the sob story how they couldn't afford to pay anything, so I picked up the whole cost. What a chump. Daughter is now spending a whole week on vacation alone up north. Couldn't afford to help out, my @$$.
I am hosting a big family dinner on August 6. I was going to rent tables, chairs, and awnings and have it at my house, but my sister went behind my back and convinced my dad it would be better to have it at her work, which is an actual venue for this type of thing. Bottom line, now I have to pack and lug all the food across town, and there will be NO AC for people to retreat to.
I feel so da*n angry and b*tchy! I am, you know, generous to a fault as they say. I don't stick up for myself and people walk all over me. I was raised to be this way. Don't think I can change, but at least I could continue to at least take care of myself, and follow through with my plans FOR ONCE, and show some self love.
No one, nowhere, can make me follow through but me. I would really like to be normal weight. I want to do it so I can live a long life.
So. Rant over.
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2384 kcal
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Fat: 118.58g | Prot: 80.19g | Carbs: 248.30g.
Breakfast: Coffee. Dinner: Watermelon, Honey, Orange Juice, Grape Juice, Butter, Trader Joe's Organic Creamy Peanut Butter, Trader Joe's Organic Soft White Bread, Fresh Pork Sausage. Snacks/Other: 365 Organic Cane Sugar, Butter, Trader Joe's Organic Soft White Bread, O Organics Mozzarella Cheese Sticks. more...
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1 to 20 of 24
 Comments
Talk about stress! Hard to take care of yourself with all of this going on. Hope things get better.
18 Jul 16 by member: PhillySue
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OOH, ouch! It sounds like family fun time!
18 Jul 16 by member: erikahollister
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Stress can be a b*tch. Sorry you have to deal with all that!
18 Jul 16 by member: 0alanna0
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Let it all out hun. It feels better to express your anger than to hold it in. You appear to be a saint in my book. Take care of yourself and make sure you enjoy the vacations. They sound amazing.
18 Jul 16 by member: Kimberly Dawn 65
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Vent away! Historically buddies lose a few after a good rant! Invading virtual personal space. (((Hugs)))
19 Jul 16 by member: bdmgoggins
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Isn't it amazing what we do to ourselves? Venting is good for the soul, and as Bdm says, we've seen lots of buddies have a whoosh after a good rant!
19 Jul 16 by member: mskestrela
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I think these journals are the absolute best place for this sort of stress deflation, everyone can relate, even if they don't admit it. The hardest thing in life is interpersonal relationships, some people paint rosy pictures, gawd, facebook is the absolute worst for that, these rose-colored glasses people want the world to view them through, but it's all facade because life is hard and juggling other peoples needs on top of your own is frustrating, infuriating, and debilitating. I've seriously been re-reading Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People, great read, I highly recommend grabbing a copy if you get the opportunity, definitely life lessons in there that everyone could use!
19 Jul 16 by member: 1point21gigawatts
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you are a true giver. but all those takers around you getting chunks of you and maybe that is why you eat those comfort foods
19 Jul 16 by member: kathleenscanlan
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" Isn't it amazing what we do to ourselves?" quote from Mskestrela. Totally agree! My husband and I always have his entire family over for ALL holidays. No one ever helps, brings anything, helps clean up, etc...I was starting to feel sooo resentful. I finally told my husband I wasn't doing it anymore. The freedom from the self imposed stress has been wonderful. I have one life to live and want to do it as happily and anger free as possible! I am worth it...
19 Jul 16 by member: Rckc
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{{{HUGS}}} all around. If emotions have weight, maybe I will lose three pounds over the next couple days. I love my family, and his family, and I do what I want to do because I love people and want to share my good fortune and make opportunities for others to have good experiences. That being said, I get resentful sometimes. My sisters wanted to expand the guest list for my little wingding. Really? Really? It's 51 people already. What's 12 more? Haha. I guess I'm still a little sore. LOL. What ever. I'm done eating it today! My serotonin got a nice boost yesterday.
19 Jul 16 by member: LadyinDenim
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good to love your family, but you HAVE to love yourself first!!! remember the instructions they give in air planes?? put the oxygen mask on first then rescue others. that goes for life too.
19 Jul 16 by member: kathleenscanlan
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You are so right, kathleen! I need to have that tattooed on the backs of my hands so I never forget!
19 Jul 16 by member: LadyinDenim
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Maybe you need to tattoo it on your sisters' hands so they know it. LADY is thinking of LADY first. sorry I don't know your real name. Good luck.
19 Jul 16 by member: bdmgoggins
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Oof how IRRITATING!!! Ack! I went to a family reunion a few weeks ago, everyone helped out, did for others, behaved themselves and had a generally lovely time. OBVIOUSLY, it wasn't MY family...mine are buttheads. Keep your wits and your humour about you, my friend, and a stash of peanut butter for emergencies!
19 Jul 16 by member: Samiam9663
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LMAO!! Samiam, we are related! Barb, one sister wants to micromanage everything, the other meddles but never helps. (If there are chips at SA on the way, she will stop and grab a bag.) Last Christmas, micromanager invited everyone to her house for the holiday. Meddler exclaimed, "do you realize that is 51 people if everyone shows up?" So micromanager panicked and UNINVITED our step sister and step brother's families. It was horrible. Anyway, dad and step mom are looking forward to this thing. I need to hop on the phone to really get a head count, as well as entertainment ideas. I would love to have music, temporary tattoos, karaoke. ~ Kim
19 Jul 16 by member: LadyinDenim
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Oh no. You can't uninvite step family. Cardinal rule in keeping peace. My prayers go out to you Kim!
19 Jul 16 by member: bdmgoggins
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Quit being an enabler-that simple.
20 Jul 16 by member: adamevegod
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Read my bio and quit being so mean.
20 Jul 16 by member: LadyinDenim
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Sounds like your spread a Little thin my Friend,, and need to learn to say "NO" once in awhile,, you will thank me,, Hell you will thank yourself.
20 Jul 16 by member: Tamarah Jo
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In all kindness Kim, by what you write, you are making choices that fit your goals but resentful of others because they are not following the script you want with it. If you choose to be the caregiver, it may be important to take that in as the goal and the rewards. You are in distress, not so much because of them...they are who they are, but because of your own expectations of them. If you choose to work in their worlds, you can still have peace of mind knowing that is your decision. You decide to pay for the trip rather than cancel, you decide to please your father rather than tell your sister no, ...see what I mean? It gives you power to recognize your choices rather than feeling like you are giving up control and being used. When I practice this it brings me more calmness in the middle of chaos. I make my choices for my reasons...it is freeing. I have other choices and I have my reasons for not going there. If I shift and move outside my comfort zone sometimes it has amazing results, sometimes it flops....but you know, it is MINE. Hugs to you. j
20 Jul 16 by member: JJohnso
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