Snowwhite100's Journal, 05 Nov 22

My last journal was a week ago yesterday: Friday, October 28th, and my husband and I were packed and ready to go see our daughter in Arizona. We got permission to go the next morning and our beautiful daughter died 7 hours after we got there. If you're not interested in details, don't bother reading further. On the Friday before, she had a liver scan and on Monday a brain scan, and a needle biopsy. Wednesday the doctor told them yes, the liver cancer was from the breast and no the brain was not involved but she was in Acute Liver Failure all of a sudden. The next day Thursday they went to her chiropractor and the grocery store for her to show her husband where things are located in the store and compare it to her master shopping list. It was that night she developed more pain than she could handle and they brought in Hospice the next day: Friday the 28th when I wrote my last journal. They told us to wait, then weren't settled with Hospice till after 8 pm and it was too late to be taking off for Arizona during the night to arrive with all my husband's oxygen and c-Pap equipment during the night and waking them up and unloading everything. The next morning Saturday the 29th when I called he was crying at all the stress and sharing how the first medication oxycodone hadn't been enough for her pain and they had to switch to a 12-hour pill that was stronger. I heard our daughter say in the background maybe we could come Sunday or Monday. Even so, he said to come, and that was the first that we had permission to go visit. I was trying to respect her wishes. We didn't leave as early as I wanted since my husband had to load all his breathing equipment. Plus we wanted to stop at our cabin on the way home since we hadn't even been up there to turn the water on because of my husband's hospitalization in May and nearly going in again with starting pneumonia on October 4th. Two days later his lungs were still crackling. His lungs and heart are not strong enough to pump out any excess water. When we finally took off and drove some miles, he couldn't remember what he did with the cabin keys. We stopped and searched the car and drove all the way back home. He searched the house and not finding them we retraced our driving route to the post office to set up vacation hold, etc. thinking maybe he put them on top of the trunk and they had slid off in driving. We didn't get there till 7 pm.

Their Hospice nurse lived just around the corner so was there to help with setting up Hospice, and the medication the day before (Friday), then Saturday morning at about 8 am when she had a hard time getting the pill down. Our daughter was breathing heavily and sighing or moaning with each breath. An hour after we got there it was the time (8 pm) for her 12-hour pill but her husband couldn't wake her enough to be able to give her anything by mouth, especially with water. He did shake her enough so she opened her eyes and looked toward my husband and me. He called the Hospice nurse who said to wait a couple of hours. So we did, but she was still the same so we called back and the nurse said to give her the half dropper of Morphine in the side of her cheek since she was moaning with each breath. The Morphine could be given every 3 to 4 hours. My husband had gone to bed by 10 pm. I stroked her hair and held her hands for a couple of hours then laid down about 1 am and maybe slept an hour before her husband woke me distressed that he had given her more Morphine about 2 am but her head was leaning to the side and he thought she drooled the liquid out. She was moaning louder with each heavy breath so we called the Hospice nurse and let her listen to her over the phone. She said she would be right over. It was about a half hour when I noticed she wasn't moaning then quickly realized her heavy breaths were taking longer, then longer still, each farther apart just like when I watched my father die. I don't think her husband really believed me at first but guess I convinced him by looking at her neck and showing him how long it was taking between breaths. I ran into my husband and pulled his covers back and said if he wanted to say goodbye it was right now because she was stopping breathing. He ran back with me and searched for a heartbeat saying she was still breathing fast but faint or shallow. Right then the doorbell rang by the Hospice nurse. She came in and searched for a heartbeat with her stethoscope and said she was gone. It was only 7 hours after we got there. She was in Hospice for only one full day. It was only 2 ½ weeks since we learned that her undetectable breast cancer had spread to her liver and only 3 days after they were told it had gone so far and even then she said she was going to fight it. She hadn't taken any pain medication until the day before she died although her husband said the whole last month was miserable. I had heard her in the background speaking to her husband that very morning. It was the first day we had received permission (from her husband) to go visit them, and she had wanted us to go a day or two later. They were not prepared and her husband is inconsolable. I thank all of you for your prayers and support. After 3 days (Tuesday) my husband insisted we come home even though it was very hard for me to leave her husband alone, but this way his family and friends will help him. The Lord carried me and is still carrying me. I'm letting down from the shock of it all.