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#2 called me yesterday from his summer residency to bring me life's latest reminder that tomorrow is not promised. He lost his first of his own generation, a football teammate. Suicide. Eighteen.
There is never any making sense of these things, but I do believe that if we are wise, we allow them to remind us of the fragility of our own lives and inform our actions, at least for a bit. That's what I told him. Live today.
Having slept on it, I would add this simple rule for day to day decision making.
FUCK YES! OR FUCK IT.
Second date? Visit the parents? Brunch? Binge watching GOT? Diet warrioring on FS? Three Martini lunch? Nap? Accepting that promotion?
Not suggesting that duty is to be replaced with one's whim du jour. Obviously not. But I find that many of my day to day choices are discretionary, and consequently potentially subject to keener scrutiny.
All these ideas are stolen. The original spark for me came from a piece a friend sent me from Mark Manson which frames from a dating perspective (https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes). Manson borrowed from Derek Sivers, who offers similar counsel from a business context (https://sive.rs/hellyeah). My saltier version was co-developed with the Minx, with whom I shared the best, albeit unconventional, run of my life. We did a pretty decent job of living by that. Right to the end... One of the many wins I carry forward from our time together.
Let's go!
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2795 kcal
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Fat: 88.05g | Prot: 296.61g | Carbs: 204.48g.
Lunch: Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Beef Top Sirloin (Lean Only, Trimmed to 1/8" Fat, Select Grade), Red Onions, Mayonnaise, Kroger Finely Shredded Sharp Cheddar Cheese, Manny's Taco Flour Tortillas, Muscle Milk Pro Series 40 Knockout Chocolate (14 oz). Dinner: Market Basket Low Fat Sour Cream, Yam (with Salt, Drained, Cooked, Boiled), Green Giant Creamed Spinach, Beef Top Sirloin (Lean Only, Trimmed to 1/8" Fat, Select Grade). Snacks/Other: Hershey's 100% Cocoa, Low Fat Greek Yogurt, Now Foods Whey Protein Isolate Unflavored, Strawberries. more...
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 Comments
So sorry to hear about your son losing his friend. My oldest lost his best many years ago, also suicide. Always unanswered questions. ❤
07 Aug 21 by member: _bec_ca
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Sorry, Jimmie. But I agree with your attitude.
07 Aug 21 by member: Draglist
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08 Aug 21 by member: erikahollister
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I've lost 3 loved ones to suicide. It's very traumatic. The "what ifs" definitely come into play but ultimately you have to realize that the person made the sad choice to end their life. I'm sorry your son has to go through this. He can learn from this but healing takes time. Life deals us things we can never predict...good and bad...sending good thoughts and prayers to you all! 🙏💜
08 Aug 21 by member: Diana 1234
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So sad for those left behind. 😭
08 Aug 21 by member: Sarah1950
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So sorry, Jimmie. It's tough when they are so young and feel there is no other way to end the pain. My condolences to you and your son and his friend's family.
08 Aug 21 by member: Joleen2012
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Appreciate all the warm wishes, y'all. Just to be clear, we're not close with the kid or the family, it was just very close to home from sports and friend group overlap. And I thought to take the opportunity for a moments introspection....
08 Aug 21 by member: jimmiepop
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@merm Agreed 100%. All counts. As a parent, the prospect of losing a child is horrific enough. Losing a kid to suicide? I can handle a lot, but doubt I would bear up well to that one. I can't help but recall all those times that the kids would tell me about how they were feeling shit about some thing or another at school, and I didn't really listen. I mean, I heard and understood what they were saying, but discounted it. Like, OK, that's too bad. So when are we gonna get this work done?
08 Aug 21 by member: jimmiepop
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@diana That's a lot to bear. I have only lost one close friend to suicide. He was ride or die. I lost my first business in an economic downturn shortly after undergrad. When things started turning sour, everybody abandoned ship pretty quickly. Except him. He was with me every single day until we padlocked the door, helping to get things wrapped up. Even when he wasn't sure he would get paid. I moved home and rebooted my life. Got a strange vm message from him months later. Before I returned his call, I got the call from his mom asking me to be a pall bearer. I later learned that it is common for suicide cases to call their people to say goodbye. Relistening to the message, that's exactly what it was - him saying goodbye. I had no clue....
08 Aug 21 by member: jimmiepop
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Appreciate you, Mermee. It was a long time ago. Like back when we had answering machines.... He left the message at the house and I picked it up when I got home late from work. I was like WTF? Deal with it in the morning.... I don't feel bad about that or the kids, but I do know for a fact that I could have listened better. #1 told me how miserable he was in school for years before finally getting kicked out, and #2 told me how shit he was living at mom's, again for years, before the shit hit the fan ending that situation. Not sure what I would do differently, but I did discount clear warning signs.
08 Aug 21 by member: jimmiepop
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PS - Pretty sure you have been offering mom top shelf support. Life's too short to self flagellate over not picking up the phone while brushing your teeth.
08 Aug 21 by member: jimmiepop
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@petra Just saw this. Sorry for your loss and heartened to know that you have found your positive path forward. Wishing you and yours all the best. Fuck Yeah! Let's go!
13 Aug 21 by member: jimmiepop
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JP - thanks for sharing. heartbreaking post. my son lost his best friend to suicide when they were 16. my son, along with another, found his friend with a fatal gunshot wound to the head. it is tragic. it has knocked him off his game ever since and will continue to do so. every move, every interaction, every word - i listen, i am cautious, and i wonder will my son make it and find himself outside of the identity of surviving his friend. i live with terrible anxiety that my kids are one thought away from doing something that cannot be undone. i am never at ease with him because i know one set back can cause him despair. just last night he came for dinner and it is still something he is coping with and trying to understand. i doubt that will ever leave him. this is important, your post, as suicide is an epidemic, in some respects, for our young people. also for men, at any age.
13 Aug 21 by member: br_e_co
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thanks, lil_mermee. and @Petra ... my heart breaks and is with you.
13 Aug 21 by member: br_e_co
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JP, you're post is healing. @Petra, ❤❤❤ @breco, ❤❤❤
13 Aug 21 by member: _bec_ca
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@petra, i just cannot imagine ... the strength you have found and keep. thanks. and @ccandco, thank you. @diana - sorry to hear. @jimmie, thanks.
13 Aug 21 by member: br_e_co
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@breco Holy Crap. I don't have a clue how you would parent through that. What a brutal thing to have seared into one's psyche. Wishing your son the strength to bear it and you the wisdom to support him. You're right wrt the suicide increase. Other high growth segments are veterans and, I have only recently learned, caregivers. Peace.
13 Aug 21 by member: jimmiepop
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