Snowwhite100's Journal, 29 Jun 21

@Snowwhite100, yes we all like sincere compliments, and none of us is exempt from occasionally getting our feelings hurt. When you live in a verbally abusive household both those things are magnified. Sorry your husband continues to hut you. I'm praying God does a work in his old hard heart and softens it toward you. I got my money yesterday, so yours should probably come today. Remember, in the app, click on MENU in the upper right corner, then click on SETTINGS and HW POINTS. When they first give the money to you it will show as HW "points" (each one is worth $1 cash). They they will give you the option of whether to accept the PayPal or check payout. PayPal takes out 2.9% or it is $7 to get a check issued. I opted for the check just so I could hold it in my hands and take pictures with it (plus the PP option would have cost me almost $40). With PP, you get the money in 2-5 days, and with the check it takes 1-3 weeks, but I'm trying to be patient.  

can I ask how tall are you?? these some like incredibly impressive weight numbers, especially if you're still in size 6/8/10 clothes range. im sorry your husband is acting like an ass! 

I've shrunk down to 5' 1/2" now from being 5' 3 3/4" originally, probably from osteoporosis and breaking L11 vertebrae eight years ago. It hit me harder last night because he threw some of my clothes in the closet onto the floor. They encroached upon his section of the rod. I must have pushed them over getting something in or out. He is verbally abusive often and although I know I should not take it personally, I do. I couldn't sleep last night because of it. Also I'm just harming myself. Since I finished the challenge with Debbie, I've started binging on chocolate cake, etc. I got free at church. I was being so strict, this is a lash-back. I'll get it under control. I've never weighed more than 136 but makes me a size 12. At low weights I'm about a 4 but I must admit my waist is now thick, like most older women. The Lord is good to me, and I get to go live with Him forever. Since I will be 80 in October, it can't be too long a wait. I desire to be kind to my husband, he has not submitted to the Lord, and that breaks my heart. 

you're a kinder soul than me snow, stay strong <3 

may the lord bless you and his judgmental heart. There's no reason at this point in both of your lives for him to make you feel anything less than special every day. Who does he think he is? You're beautiful and you're enough. Whether or not he can see that shouldn't matter. Sending positive vibes your way! 

Sending prayers of strength your direction. Sounds like you need that. Praying every day for you. 

He’s the one with a gut‼️ I think you’re beautiful. He just must be the type of person that needs to belittle someone else to raise his ego. You can’t change him, BUT you can work on building your own confidence back, recognizing your self worth, and appreciating yourself. Do talk to a counselor. You should have someone in your corner, and to give you solid advice to deal with his nonsense. Don’t let him define you❣️ 

Some people mask their short comings by degrading others it makes them feel powerful. Be proud of how you kept yourself active at this stage in life. Sounds like he needs a trip to the woodshed for an adjustment.  

I have always been super thin until menopause, that’s when all went south!! Friends would ask if my husband cared. I told them. He complained when I weighed 103 and had an immaculate house. Now I am fat and just let the house go. He doesn’t complain any worse. 

I'm so sorry that he takes his inadequacies out on you. He must have very low self-esteem if denigrating you makes him feel like a man. I hate to say this since he's your husband, but he's a total jerk. Know that God loves you and He only wants the very best for you. Please find someone you trust to talk to about this abuse. Mental abuse is even more damaging than physical abuse because it's constant, and it wears on your very soul. No one, regardless of size, deserves what he's doing to you. If he isn't happy with you at that low weight, you'll never be "good enough" for him. It's making my heart very sad that you're just waiting to be with the Lord instead of being able to enjoy the rest of your life. Please talk with someone, even if it's just for the reassurance that YOU matter, whether it's a professional therapist, your pastor, or whomever you can trust. YOU ARE WORTHY!  

I think it's awful and wrong when your partner admonishes you over your body. My dad made my mum feel terrible about her weight gain, like it was entirely her fault (it was not) and a bigger deal than it was (she has always been metabolically healthy despite being overweight for decades) even though he gained weight too. It is a horrible way to treat someone.  

u are NOT fat, u are NOT letting yourself go YOU ARE AMAZING, don't believe anything different! 

Very depressing post....sorry to say, but true. TAke care & may God bless us all...Amen 

Yes— your relationship with people who treat you poorly has not changed. 

And no one looks like those girls, not even them. It's not real. 

What a friggin jerk!!! You don't deserve that nonsense and absolutely should not base any of your self worth on it! "Letting yourself go" at around 100lbs?!? What a laugh.  

Look how many people love you and support you, Snow! Listen to THEM - not to your husband.  

🙏😇🙏❤😇 

I think you need to take your husband to one side and explain to him how his criticisim affects you and your confidence. You should tell him that it is no compliment, if he undercuts it in this way and that making you feel bad, is not a nice thing to do. It might be that it is unintentional but you need to explain to him how this hurts you. The other thing you need to do, is tell him that you are happy with your weight and your body and that what he thinks about it is something you do not want to hear. Tell him if he wants to be critical you DO NOT want to hear any of it. Once you have spoken with him do something nice for yourself like a bit of pampering to cheer yourself up, then start working on your confidence - do stuff that cheers you fulfills you makes you passionate, find a new hobby and start making time for your own mental health happiness and fulfillment (without him). Realise, your happiness is not derived from him and that you don't fricking care if you're up or down a few pounds. And if he does - tough shit? Is he PERFECT?? Once, you get yourself on track and start silencing his negging, he will see your confidence and I bet he will cop on to how great a woman you are how STUPID he has been and seeing your confidence and independence will realise he is being a DUMB ass and start realising how fabulous you really are. DO NOT LET his opinion ruin your self worth, confidence or belief in your greatness. These put downs are not acceptable from the man you love, and you need to kindly tell him you will not put up with this negative behaviour any more. Please make sure to stand up to him, sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind and defend yourself. Peace :)  

you are doing this thing for you. You can do this. I believe in you. I believe in us.