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I will address some of the comments on eating from my last journal before I get into what's on my heart. Yes, I struggle with sweets and high carbs, and am addicted to them. When I started Fatsecret I was 119 lbs which is acceptable but knew I needed to stop the sweets and high carbs for mental clarity. I wish to remain independent as long as possible and can feel my mind slowly slipping. Nearly 50% of Americans 85 years of age now have Alzheimer's. Sugar in our bloodstream is the biggest promoter of its advancement. I went from a size 2 up to a size 12 in the last year and a half and am more than pudgy at 5 feet tall. In that same year and a half, my husband was in the hospital 6 times, the last one being with kidney failure. Even though I have 2 attic's full of clothes in mostly sizes 4 to 8, I can handle being heavier. Big deal. But I believe it is imperative for me to stay away from sweets including wine, and the high carbs that turn to sugar in our bodies. When I indulge in sweets, wine, bread, pasta, potatoes, rice and those sorts of things I go whole hog. I can't keep to small portions, it is a big failing of mine. I had wine tonight because I was upset, maybe it equalled a couple of glasses. It had been several days since I had any. My husband is upset with me as usual. I joined a financial challenge with the group that Debbins Cousins is in, but I have the easy part of only losing 20 lbs in six months, and am already down nearly 6 pounds in 1 month. It will be healthy and slow. Mainly I just cut sweets and grains, and substitute cauliflower for potatoes. I allow myself beans and nuts. It's hard for me to stick to 1 glass of wine so I pass on it most of the time when trying to be strict. Intermittent Fasting for 16 hours or so a day helps me keep control and is very healing for the mind and body.
Tomorrow is a regular standard doctor appointment so I have been making a chart of my ongoing chronic problems since I only saw her once and that was a year ago. I do not plan on saying much about my growing depression because I do not plan on taking medication for it, and don't want much on my record about child abuse, etc. She knows about my husband talking about suicide several months ago and she did ask last time if he hits me. No, is still the truthful answer. Making the chart, I guess I fear my future disability and losing my beloved husband even though he is angry at me most of the time. My plate is full in more ways than one. I need to be wise in what I partake in to not contribute any more negatives to my life. By the way, I will be 80 this year. Yes, I am still vain. No I don't get enough sleep. I pray a lot, I love the Lord, and I am anxious to go be with Him.
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