melissatwa's Journal, 18 Nov 19

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I feel disappointed with myself after a truly wonderful, busy weekend. International, college students, who are friends of my kids and represent nine countries, came and "partied" at our house on Friday. It was absolutely so much fun. I took this picture after five already needed to leave. They ate and played games and danced and sang... it was so beautiful! Thee of my kids are in the picture. I think we are going to make it a weekly or biweekly event. Also,This was my last bouquet of roses from my bushes for the year. It decorated my table which served 27. I made gallons of chicken curry, vegetable, chickpea soup. We had lots of homemade cookies, bars, and bread. I didn't show restraint with my eating, and I am up in weight... so much so that I was too ashamed to record it the next day, my usual recording day. I would have lost my "blue line." I feel dishonest with myself. I know I have to pick myself up and move on. I feel weak and tired of being careful all the time. After ten months, I just want to forget about monitoring every single thing that goes into my mouth either by weighting or measuring or trying to gauge if my body needs the food or if I have balanced it enough with exercise. I just want to be lazy and relax and eat whatever I want. But do I really? I know that really doesn't make me happy. I have worked too hard to "let go," and I am not going to do it! I fasted yesterday and am only a tiny bit over my RDI today. I have no expectation that this should be easy. Sometimes it really is easier. I know that many things make it harder for me like not as much sunlight, too much salt and sugar, lots of stress... hormones. I have many, tough eating events coming up. I just have to hang on to my determination to not let up.

View Diet Calendar, 18 November 2019:

1890 kcal

Fat: 48.05g | Prot: 69.01g | Carbs: 279.79g. Breakfast: Oatmeal, Brown Sugar, Great Value Organic Ground Flax Seed, Blueberries, Market Pantry Half & Half. Lunch: White Table Wine , Sweet Tomatoes Three Bean Turkey Chili (Low-Fat), Cuties Mandarin Orange, Apples . Dinner: Simple Truth Lentil Vegetable Soup . Snacks/Other: General Mills Chex Mix Traditional. more...

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Comments

You don't need to impress anyone on here with your weights. You need to work this app in a way that helps you crush your goals. I am no longer commenting on my gains and losses but if others want to...that's fine. I'm only here for me. You are a great inspiration to me and I look up to you not just because of your weight loss (because truly there are more important things in life)but just in the way you carry yourself and the things you post. You are a wonderful wife and mother and disappointment because you enjoyed yourself and indulged while making lasting memories with your family is unnecessary and counterproductive. I don't think that relaxing and not measuring should be a goal for everyone. Being able to eat intuitively, while awesome for some, is NOT the mark of having success. YOU, my friend, are the mark of success. You have come very far and I have no doubt you will continue to maintain and meet your goals. I will never not count my calories. It's not something I'm longing for. It keeps me accountable and I love it. Do what works for you because you inspire me! 💕😘

19 Nov 19 by member: davidsprincess

Oh Melissa, Don’t be hard on yourself. You are being the ‘mom’ away from mom for these big kiddos. I’ve often done similar. Enjoying the food with them makes the evening that much more enjoyable. Nothing worse than being in a celebration and seeing someone ‘suffer’ because they feel they cannot enjoy some great food and great company. You will be fine, and be remembered by these kids years from now. I still remember those adults who took me under their wing and fed me at their houses during my university and college days as I was also far, far from home. This means more to them than you’ll know. It’s memories for years to come!! 🥰🥰❤️❤️ PS. I think we all focus on food consumption too much, wether it’s too much food, or too little food. Food is not our enemy, I think it’s our thoughts of food that steals our joy. I’ve found my happy place with food I believe and to have control over it, instead of it controlling me is pure freedom. Sorry for this long post. I’ve learned so much on fs from those who do not allow me to follow them any longer for whatever reason, I do not know, but I am thankful for the time I could and the foundation they set and allowed me to learn from them, though it was short, I’ll move forward alone and build on it the best I can. 😊😊

19 Nov 19 by member: wifey9707

Melissa- it was fun! I am sure you had a wonderful time and that counts for a lot. Try to take the emotions out of the equation when looking at your food consumption. You made a comment that you could have made better choices. Likely you could have. As you said you want to repeat this joyous occasion and have more occasions coming up just make a plan of how you can tweak your eating ahead of time. Then make an effort to follow that plan. If it isn't all you wanted it to be tweak it again. You are on a life long journey so lots of time to make course corrections. Also it is all about habits and habits of thought. In the end, trust your habits to pull you through! I bet your choices were much better than they were when you started this journey. Celebrate that as well as reaching for the next level of choice making!

19 Nov 19 by member: 59Carol

Great pictures 💚💚

19 Nov 19 by member: khrissy85

Oh Melissa! You have hit your goal. At this point you should be able to just enjoy a social occasion with NO guilt. Don't beat yourself up for having unrestrained fun. A few days of "good eating" & you'll be back to where you want to be. A few days ago my family was planning our Thanksgiving dinner. My sis said " No WW points on Thanksgiving" & I said "Yeah, no calories on Thanksgiving 😊". I may gain a pound or 2 , but I'll get back to being careful after. You are more than your weight! You are an amazing, giving woman!!

19 Nov 19 by member: SherryeB

dont worry, your fine.

19 Nov 19 by member: revolutionbaby

Remember that the weight is probably just water weight. You’d have to eat A LOT of calories to actually gain pounds of fat. Shake it off and get back to it. You’ll be ok!

19 Nov 19 by member: Groatmeal

🦖💕🌈✨ Echoing everyone else, you are amazing and had a great time. Don’t beat yourself up, momma❣️

19 Nov 19 by member: adultosaur

Oh, dear people, I am so thankful for you. Your encouragement and advice and even comfort. Please, I want to reply to each of you, so please... I hope you will see! Dawnie, I think our mindset can get "maddening" I suspect a "break" for a day or so isn't the worst thing, but it is the feeling of sliding back toward my old choices is scary. Thank you... Helps to know you "get it!" 😁