mskestrela's Journal, 22 Sep 16

I'm a social loner too. I click with VERY few people. Get you some rest & have a great day! 

Mskestreal, could it be that this gal really isn't a "friend," but more of a parasite? I have experienced similar things, in the past, and I will not participate in anyone else's drama/trauma, anymore. If they ask, I'll offer possible options, but I mostly suggest that they find their own counseling therapist to help them manage their issues. I have entirely too many of my own to take on someone else's! LOL!!! 

The healthy part here is you were acutely aware you wanted to do something else, you couldn't "fix" her, and you have an alternate strategy. Glad you are on the mend, buddy ☺ 

Sometimes when we are "helping" someone, we really aren't.... 

I hope you totally enjoy your day off today - for yourself!  

Not your circus, not your monkeys.... while a shoulder to cry on is the compassionate thing to do, there are professionals who can help her. Stand strong!! 

I agree with Rckc... I had "friends" like this and I was thier personal sounding board. Now I am a good friend but when the situation is this way "all the time" without them ever taking the necessary steps to change their own situation...Well let's face it ... they are using us. Nicely tell her she's got to stand up and take her life into her own hands and make the changes necessary for her to be happy. It's not your job to fix her life! Hope that helps. 

One of my best friends is sort of the same way. Last time she started to back down I told her I was done. Not with the friendship, but with helping her with her family problems. I felt bad about it, but after having had the same conversation over and over again I can't do anything more. Get some rest today friend, you've done what you can. 

Oh, sorry about that, and welcome to my world. 

You are a good friend and are aware how she may back out...good luck...ENJOY YOUR DAY OFF! 

That you have done so in the past, provides her history with you being present in her difficulties. I support you taking care of you, but how might she react were she to read your note on this posting? Maybe it might be important for you to talk with her? It is okay for you to be direct and honest that you have to create some distance in this situation. Sometimes people have to rehearse many times before taking the huge risk of making changes in their family system. If she is not ready, she is not ready. That is okay and her decision to make. Find your balance... 

Good for you being a friend, but knowing your limits at the same time. Idk if you remember the conversation SugarWaffle & I had a while back or not about me changing my mind from wanting to be a psychiatrist to wanting to do something in the nutrition field?? The reason being that I discovered how much "diet" not only effects weight & physical sickness, but mental health also. If you would have told me before my journey that what I was eating was making me crazy, I would have told you that you're even more crazy than I...lol. <insert Bio> We create our own reality, and when that reality is built from a shitty foundation, well... reality is shitty. Maybe suggest some reading on the subject to her?? Grain Brain is a great place to start.  

so sorry for your friend issues. I'm a social loner also, but do get caught up in the drama of friends and their 'stuff'. I guess I'm a good 'ear' and I do care. BUT I need my ME time also. So I've learned when to say no (nicely) or just not 'volunteer' also I've learned when to not let myself get lost/caught up in their drama and just be a friend with an ear and shoulder. It has taken years to get this through my head! I have 'family' issues also. And since I work with them also it can be challengling but I'm getting better at separating things.....some of the time! LOL Good luck to you & your friend, hope things work out. 

Thank you, my friends for your words of wisdom. I simply adore getting all the different points of view, because they expand my horizons beyond what they were, and allow me to take into consideration things I wouldn't have thought of. I've had a nap already (possibly the first of a few for the day...LOL) and am feeling a little more balanced. One of the major factors in this decision is that she has 2 good-sized dogs...and I have 2 cats. And my property isn't fenced, so they'd have to stay in 'her' room all the time, or I'd have to build some sort of dog run outside for them. That, aside from the upheaval and labor of packing up my stuff and putting it in storage makes it a not very good prospect for me. And I think last night's contrast of me needing peace and quiet and her needing to talk was a warning about what I can expect if she moves in. So, I will talk to her this evening, and tell her that I don't think it's a good idea. I love her dearly, but I love myself even more dearly! I did find some affordable, pet friendly places that will fit her budget. I don't know exactly what her budget is, but I figure if she can spend $350 every 3 months to get her hair straightened, she can afford $850/month for an apartment! She had talked about only being here until she could save the money for deposits on a place, but then said something about "only being here until Spring."!! Nope! There are several places I found that are waiving deposits, and some have dog parks on the property! @C2B, I got her started on LCHF a few weeks ago, and Grain Brain was one of the convincing elements of getting her to try it. Of course, she admitted last night that, as a stress eater, she had fallen back on her old sugary/baked treats with this latest blow-up with the family. Ugh. Thank you again, my friends! 

Sounds great! Ha! I tell people that all of the time, "I love you, but I love me more." It may sound arrogant to some, but hey... no one else can love you the way you need to love you. Good for you! ☺ 

Our family saying is "that isn't going to work for me" with the follow up of "My head is just not in that game right now" and ending with "Let me talk to my adviser about that and I will get back to you if it's ok" - Good luck with whatever you decide! 

On the positive side, you've decluttered your guest room and have someone to give leftovers! 

Well, that didn't go well at all. I may have lost a friend. But maybe, just maybe, it will be the kick in the butt she needs to get her life under control. 

Better than cleaning Twinkie wrappers out of your couch cushions. Tough love. 

You certainly have had an array of comments but the one common factor is that we care about you and we want you to take care of you first! You cave a legion of friends standing with you on this.