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**I was super proud of myself yesterday.** It was my first 500 calorie day and I did it and did not cave! I closed all of my rings again, drank all of my water and cooked shrimp for the first time. =) Lunch ended up being a challenge due to time and the fact that I had nothing prepped. Nonetheless, when I only had 15 minutes to eat I was able to figure out a pretty quick easy and low calorie meal on the fly! Plus, I did not cave in the evening (my habit) when my spouse wanted to order pizza. Overall a win for the day and I was very proud and happy.
Then around 11:15pm my husband woke me up to share that our son's hamster was out and - well - we have cats so he needed to be caught. Silly little hamster, he's gotten out before and usually comes right to me but last night was a different night. He got scared and bit my finger pretty good. We were able to clean my hamster bite and the floors (blood everywhere) and get him safely to his habitat. I took some Advil and went back to bed around 12:15.
To my surprise, I started to cry. Knowing that they say tears can release the hormone that contributes to depression I decided to just let it go. I understand that losing weight is not just a physical journey but also a mental/emotional one. I thought about what could be bothering me. Last night it was the relationship between my spouse and me and the example I am setting for my son.
In my husband's family I have long thought they (paternal side) treat his mother like a second class citizen. They have their issues, all families do, but my husband was always super sweet and caring toward his mother. He is also caring and sweet towards me but he holds traditional expectations of male/female household roles.
In our household, my spouse is the caregiver for our son - he takes him to school, makes his lunch, helps with the homework, takes him to afterschool activities, etc. He does this while I work. I work from home and I am the main income for our household. My husband will do the shopping, dishes, floors every week or so, put laundry away and occasionally he will clean a bathroom. If I want a clean house or dinner then I am left to do the rest - and miss out the time with my family on the weekends or miss out sleeping time on weeknights.
So last night, after cleaning up the hamster mess I went to the restroom and saw the trash overflowing and it all just bubbled up. My son sees his father sitting on the couch while I am always running around. Our son hears us arguing over having a dirty house. Ultimately, our son sees me being disrespected as a female - and an equal - and he see me accepting being treated like that and THAT is hard to accept. My husband is not a monster - he actually has a pretty bad back injury and he works through numb legs, etc. - but the minimal housework is not something that is going to put his back out; not participating is his choice. It is not something that is going to be solved so I just have to figure out how to teach my son that it is not ok...even thought I allow it to be. Anyway, that was my demon at midnight last night.
I am fine today - it is what it is and I am lucky to have what I do. I weighed the same as yesterday which is still a win. I feel good and I am going to keep on with this plan!
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97.3 kg
Lost so far: 4.7 kg.
Still to go: 36.1 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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View Diet Calendar, 13 October 2023:
Gaining 0.3 kg a Week
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