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I have not been trying actively to lose weight over the past several weeks because I had a huge deadline for work and I spent most of my time working. Yesterday was supposed to be my day 1. I forgot that I had my first session of PT and once I realized that I postponed day 1 until today.
I woke up around 5am and thought a bit about the day. I believe it was my spirit guide who told me to find that inner self today, to connect with her, and to not allow her light to go out. One of my goals is to help my son with his self esteem so actually this message was one that I was trying to figure out how to help him with but nonetheless, I imagined her - my inner self - her innocence and her quick allowance of diminishing her light. I drifted in and out of sleep until a few minutes before 6am and then got up for the day.
My son and I took care of the animals, he ate breakfast, and then we did about 25 minutes of kid's yoga together. After this, I was to ride the bike but I found out that the membership expired last month due to an outdated card we deactivated due to fraud. We only have $60 in the bank and the membership is $44 - and I don't get paid for 10 more days. Sigh. So, I grabbed the medicine ball and asked my son if he wanted to work out with me. He declined, he was watching Pokémon YouTube videos. So I did my PT and then started with the sit-ups, pushups, and other things I could do to workout. He ended up coming over and doing sit ups with me.
I went outside and watered and my spouse got up to make our son's lunch for the day. I brought in my frozen green smoothie pre-made package and once the space was clear, started to make my shake. This week my son gets to go to school early to be a valet and so my spouse told him to pack up his stuff. Bruce was so excited that he came over to help me with my shake. I should mention that he was super excited when I said I was going to ride the bike - he has watched me fail to meet my goals over and over again - and I think he was let down when I did not in fact ride that bike. I explained the why to him. So he is helping me with my shake and my spouse gets mad because "I am interfering with him". At the end of the day, Bruce was able to pack up his stuff, help me with my shake, get to school on time and all was well. My spouse was actually home at the time Bruce was supposed to be there so I would say they were early.
But while Bruce was packing up, he said, it's rush rush rush today. This was at the moment in which his father got upset at him for helping me and told him to pack his things. His father responded, that's because you have early day and did yoga this morning. I immediately said, that is not true. Yoga had nothing to do with this and you guys have plenty of time. The point is, after this exchange and the boys were gone I was angry.
But I get to control my reactions. I get to control my path. I don't have to be angry and I don't have to self sabotage by focusing on my spouse, getting angry, and then not taking care of my inner self. Sure, I wonder about the actions that I have and what message I am sending to my son - but why can't he see me try hard and succeed.
Bruce is busy right now - he has activities almost every day. His father wants to stop this. His father says it is too much. His father is overwhelmed with the schedule. Yesterday, when Bruce was playing video games, his father - who is actively trying to get him to stop playing one of his three instruments - told him this is the time you should be practicing your instruments and you are not. Bruce got up immediately and started to practice the drums. Bruce has realized that if he wants to do something he has to fight for it and do it.
So do I. So, it is almost 9am and I need to work. I have 3 green shakes waiting for me along with veggies, egg and a pre-planned meal. Bruce has soccer today. I will check in later and see how I did. I am keeping my light shining today!
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97.0 kg
Lost so far: 5.1 kg.
Still to go: 35.7 kg.
Diet followed: Reasonably Well.
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Losing 0.4 kg a Week
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